phase 4

2004-10-06T11:57:00.000-07:00

Moving Blog here:
http://www.livejournal.com/users/logicalartist
Why? Because I feel like it

2004-10-03T11:04:00.000-07:00

Feeling quite content about things.

You know, if he's not going to take the time to come on aim, email me or call me to see what I am up to or how I am feeling he's just going to have to be suprized. I do not need his aproval for things like this and I am sick of the only one wanting to comnuicate and he won't take the time to care so,

*mischievously giggles and runs off to do something*

2004-10-01T18:55:00.000-07:00

Life is good again

2004-10-01T11:07:00.000-07:00

I knew the day would come that I'd start acting like my mother, now I must learn to not be like her or die trying.

(To correct this we’d have to look at the causes.)
She was always negative, and dad was always working. She raised me and is responsible for most of what I am, defiantly without any doubt responsible for who I was. I was stupid, stubborn (stupidity and stubbornness are completely two different traits despite popular belief, it all depends on your reasons for being stubborn), extremely argumentative, anti social, and very cold to the world. Very very much so till I met Phil, who calmed me and showed me what the hell love was. I didn’t understand it before him in the least.

I suppose my mother was always negative because in her own little way she is a perfectionist. Perfectionist believe that things can be perfect and thus point out all the flaws in any given thing or person, in that if they are pointed out they believe then that they can either change them or the person can, and thus achieving perfection.
I won’t even go into the thousands of flaws in this logic.
I don’t believe in any of it, but by not hearing anything positive I learned that what should only be pointed out are negative things, and anything not pointed out is automatically perfect.

My common thought when growing up is why the hell does mom hate us so much when we are really angels by comparison to all her friend’s kids.
But then again it took me a long time to realize the way she felt about all the things she never mentioned because she never mentioned any of them.

I am doing the exact same thing to James, point out all the negatives and ignoring all the positives because the positives don’t need any work to make them perfect.
Again this must be why mom was always honest with us, so we can deal with all the harsh realities of life, and became stronger to this harsh world we live in.
I was really strong, I could verbally defend or even attack a person to shreds till Christmas when all that shit happened and now whenever I hear yelling I cry and can’t deal with it at all.
All also due to her and her total lack of tact or understanding basic human emotion.
She doesn’t give a shit about feelings.
No wonder I am so logical, my mother who runs off of all emotions not giving a shit about anyone else’s emotions, or putting any value to emotions, plus my very logical father who actually makes sense to me,
It’s the only way I could go threw and keep living.

2004-09-30T23:51:00.000-07:00

*peaceful calm sigh*

I now remember how it was possiable to live threw highschool.

2004-09-30T11:07:00.000-07:00

I am so sorry to everyone, ralph Paul, espically James, for pointing out all the negatives and nothing positive. it's my nature since i've been so hardened to this world.

ralph told me the only reason james had for that obession was that james felt that it would solve all his problems.
It really would of only created more.

When James left last night I told Ralph something in a heart beat that i felt unconfortable telling james. not that the thing is important, but the fact that I felt more confortable telling ralph stuff is the problem.
He just is so open to me, when james won't even tell me his feelings muchless his thoughts.
I feel very confortable telling ralph things, becaus he won't hesitate to tell me anything on his mind at all. Today i got something in the mail today and my first instincts were to see if ralph likes the way it looks on me before i wear it.
Probably because he'd actually tell me the truth and not tip toe over anything, which is so refreshing.
james refuses to do such things since he can't defend himself at all.

I am not feeling very well at all.
kinda shakey and un certain and hormnal.
I hate myself when i get all emotional, illogical, irational, nonsensical pile of goo is what it feels like.
Last night I went out drinking, first ever time i've just gone out for the purpose of alcochol consumption.
my really good close friend of over two years Scott gave me a tour of the suprizingly plentlyful number of bars. We drank at the first one I had a nice sweet mixed drink, and scott had I think it's called a long island ice tea, drank it quick, got really tispy,
then proceded to confess to me that he was going to ask me out but james got to me first.
this would explain whenever i say i am doing something with james him getting all quiete and walking away thing.
*sigh*
if only i was actually attracted to scott sexually, then i probably would of dated him, this makes things rather confusing for me,
I really do love james.
but am I so shallow and primative as to consider emotions as my drive to be with him?
life is so confusing.

I think my issue is that I am trying to get back what I have lost. My bf used to be the only one in my life, and that isn't true any more and that is confusing me. Much more healthy to have good close friends as well i should just suck it up and get used to it.

2004-09-28T08:46:00.000-07:00

I was reading this book recently and the character in it said god was change. She didn't explain why she beileved that, so I sat and thought about that for a few minets and realized well, that must be true.
Nothing can be created nor destroyed,
only changed.
not just with matter, but well everything I can think of.

2004-09-27T15:21:00.000-07:00

Some random things I wrote in my art history notebook today:

Only thing I know is that I know nothing

Art is not created in a Void

Creativity is only your abilty to think

A painter only draws upon existig ideas and creations as a baker creating a new cookie does not invent sugar. If either are aware of it or not.

It is silly that people consider our preceptions as external.

*picture of blue ice apple*
This apple is not cold nor sweet. Those preceptions are internal state of affairs.

2004-09-26T15:03:00.000-07:00

I think all the important issues James and I had, have been now resolved.
It's so good when you find a boy that agrees with you on all the things people need to agree on to get along.

Anyway we went to Chicago on the 25th 'cause it's inbetween our birthdays, the 24th and the 26th, 1983 and 82 respectively.
It was a really good trip we went to a lot of over priced shops with some either really nice things, or more commonly uber tacky things.

Had dinner at a fancy restaurant where james could get the best quality hamburger :)
Ralph bought a not as over priced as he could of gotten scarf, that was very soft and had a nice pattern. He also found some nice smelling things for the Ralph body. Some of those smells i've never smelled before or anything like them before.

We walked into White Castel on our way back for no other reason then to see what Chicken rings were, and we went to a big food store and I realized how much Sentry has been ripping me off. I found 12 english muffins for $1.29 and the ones I found at Sentry are $1,40 ON SALE for 6! I just had to buy some. james got a pair of coolish sunglasses, I think I like them better then his current ones but they are new so I need time to get used to them.

He has a beard growing in from lack of evil Mac D's that looks pretty good but for a few misplaced cheek hairs and some strange looking scruffy neck hair.

We hung out at Ralph's before going back to Whitewater burning things with napalm, showed us ammusing computer things, and watched Fight Club. I like that movie, it messes with your mind but has small bits of comic reilf for a good balance. I'd add it to my very short list of good movies i like in a heart beat. (I'm just not a movie person)

Ralph's gift he got me seems to be something that'd be fun. Haven't had a chance to see yet but soon.
The gift I got Ralph hasn't come in the mail yet, it has till tuesday till it's late, and he should be here wenesday so I can give it to him then, I hope.

yay for me and James's 6 monther tommrow.

2004-09-24T11:00:00.000-07:00

Yay Andrea turns 21 today. So old yet so young. I get to see James after class. Things were stressful, nearly everything but it's friday now and D&D last night helped TONS. Yes I lost sleep over it but it was worth it. Just sitting around with a few friends pretending to be somone else over pizza, jokes and some adult swim just did a world of good for me. They wished me a happy birthday around 1:00 am lol and we didn't finsh till 2:30.

It's an evil campain so I thought i'd base my character slightly after Ralph. Just well a bit more evil since it not only drinks, loves fire, is nueteral evil, and is a masochist, but it is an alcoholic, a female, gets a plus +1 to nearly everything for hurting herself, and is very skilled in Use Rope as well as Excape Artist, AND is very skilled in using a double edged sword to back herself up.
We did a really big battle agianst some Palidens and the only damage done to me was damage I did to myself and Irish even was killed. lol. Did a good job in making this fighter.
ah good times good times.

2004-09-21T23:26:00.000-07:00

I love my boy far more then it's healthy to love a boy,
got in a another fight and because he was mad I felt like i wanted to die and cried my eyes out until I got dizzy and couldn't breathe,,,

2004-09-17T14:09:00.000-07:00

GAH
well aparently mom found $2,000 in my name they didn't know i had, WHAT THE HELL

2004-09-17T11:12:00.000-07:00

Ugh I am sick with the same thing I was sick with in the start of summer, I hope is doesn’t last as for 3 days like it did last time.
I woke up uber hungry and I had an apple and toasted a blueberry bagel and butter and it made me feel worse then before it was really hard to get up to get to class, I was like 5 min late, saw Kit on my way to class.
Last time it was stomach flu, why am I getting sick so much, I never get sick, then again it would be hard not to get sick under the conditions I put this damn body threw.
Like the whole not eating well or sleeping much thing. When I do eat it’s never anything very healthy and it’s so hard to get to sleep sometimes; it just seems like a waste of life.
All my fat is melting away and I am left with big leg muscles just like my dad’s. I guess they can be useful so I should learn to live with them.
I hope I am well enough to be comfortable around people these next few days.
We have a trip to Madison coming up, I really love that city, and we are going to see Kelli. James told me that Ralph thinks I have animosity towards her, I am sure I felt that when Ralph was around at some point but I really have no reason to feel such a way about her. I have no logical basis for any sort of jealousy especially when one considers the way I found james, with the only emotions stress, anger and frustration. Now I barely see that at all, he’s so relaxed and smiles so much when I am around him I know he needs me, I do not need to be told that. So there isn’t any reason to be jealous of any of the friends james has, I know the past he had without me and that he’d return to it. I need him too, not fully sure why but I consider it fact nonetheless. I’ll figure it out in time, took me 5 years to fully understand why I loved the last boy that I loved this much.

Anyway, there isn’t any reason to not like Kelli, unless I wish to hate 75% of the world, Ralph and james know what I mean by that comment.

DLK wants to know if I want the same apartment for next year by the 22nd. I am going to tell them no, I can’t handle another Whitewater summer in an apartment by myself. 85.7% of my life I had two parents, one or two sisters, 3 cats, one tiny dog, and/or a few close friends around me nearly all the time. I feel constantly lonely because I am used to constant company.
And when I am Whitewater over the summer I am lucky to see my bf every weekend, and perhaps maybe I might get to talk to a classmate. And maybe friends might want to hang out every other week. All of that is of course, if I am lucky. Most of the days I spend alone without any contact with other human beings other then the professor’s lecture.

When the semester is in session it’s not nearly so bad, don’t have time for it to be bad, and plenty of friends around, hell hung out with them last night over a game of D&D.

So yeah this summer I decided to not live alone. Thing were best when Kathy was living with me she came to me for advice and took out the trash and it was like having one of my sisters around.

I don’t think James understands what it’s like to have a sibling, when I said it would suck for Kelli to be alone on her brother’s birthday he thought I was being sarcastic. If he knew that I knew what it was like to have a sibling, or if he understood that himself he would never have thought that I’d even think for a second to be that offensive. Don’t know what its like to lose a sibling. I do know what it’s like to lose a best friend though. I’ve lost them, perhaps not death but exactly as painful and permanent. Not that anyone can control emotions, or any person’s feelings are more justified because the others are worse, just stating fact.

2004-09-13T11:20:00.000-07:00

I am fucking sick of normal.
Everywhere I go in this town all I see is normal.
I am a philsopher, I love peopl that think different.
I am an artist I love things that look different.
there is none of that here I feel like a part of me is dying.
Hell I even look normal.
I after 2 years of living here the insanity is setting in caused by mindless conformist.
Where are all the goths the nerds the dorks? Where are the free thinkers? Where are the people that have enough balls to say I refuse to conform to standards that are not my own and say screw you?
gah.
I want to break free and rebell before I have to conform a bit to be accepted into the work force.
Or maybe just leave this hick town, just for a little bit....

2004-09-10T23:29:00.000-07:00

Yay for the return of Andrea computer.
odd msg from Laz, or at least I think it's from him....

2004-09-10T13:43:00.000-07:00

Wisdom of Paul Simon:

I hear the drizzle of the rain
Like a memory it falls
Soft and warm continuing
Tapping on my roof and walls.

And from the shelter of my mind
Through the window of my eyes
I gaze beyond the rain-drenched streets
To england where my heart lies.

My mind's distracted and diffused
My thoughts are many miles away
They lie with you when you're asleep
And kiss you when you start your day.

And as a song i was writing is left undone
I don't know why i spend my time
Writing songs i can't believe
With words that tear and strain to rhyme.

And so you see i have come to doubt
All that i once held as true
I stand alone without beliefs
The only truth i know is you.

And as i watch the drops of rain
Weave their weary paths and die
I know that i am like the rain
There but for the grace of you go i.

i should have known you'd bid me farewell
there's a lesson to be learned from this
and i learned it very well
now i know you're not the only
starfish in the sea
if i never hear your name again,
it's all the same to me...
and i think it's gonna be alright,
yeah, the worst is over now,
the morning sun is shining
like a red rubber ball.

She said why?
Why don't we drive through the night
And we'll wake up down in mexico
Oh i
I don't know nothin' about nothin'
About mexico

And tell me why
Why won't you love me
For who i am
Where i am

He said:'cause that's not the way the world is baby
This is how i love you, baby
This is how i need you, baby

The arc of a love affair
Waiting to be restored

You take two bodies and you twirl them into one
Their hearts and their bones
And they won't come undone
Hearts and bones
Hearts and bones
Hearts and bones

Through the corridors of sleep
Past the shadows dark and deep
My mind dances and leaps in confusion.
I don't know what is real,
I can't touch what i feel
And i hide behind the shield of my illusion.

So i'll continue to continue to pretend
My life will never end,
And flowers never bend
With the rainfall.

The mirror on my wall
Casts an image dark and small
But i'm not sure at all it's my reflection.
I am blinded by the light
Of god and truth and right
And i wander in the night without direction.

So i'll continue to continue to pretend
My life will never end,
And flowers never bend
With the rainfall.

It's no matter if you're born
To play the king or pawn
For the line is thinly drawn 'tween joy and sorrow,
So my fantasy
Becomes reality,
And i must be what i must be and face tomorrow.

So i'll continue to continue to pretend
My life will never end,
And flowers never bend
With the rainfall.

She was beautiful as southern skies
The night he met her
She was married to someone
He was doggedly determined that he would get her
He was old, he was young

From time to time he'd tip his heart
But each time she withdrew
Everybody loves the sound of a train in the distance
Everybody thinks it's true

Well eventually the boy and the girl get married
Sure enough they have a son
And though they both were occupied
With the child she carried
Disagreements had begun
And in a while they fell apart
It wasn't hard to do

Everybody loves the sound of a train in the distance
Everybody thinks it's true

Two disappointed believers
Two people playing the game
Negotiations and love songs
Are often mistaken for one and the same

Now the man and the woman
Remain in contact
Let us say it's for the child
With disagreements about the meaning
Of a marriage contract
Conversations hard and wild
But from time to time
He makes her laugh
She cooks a meal or two

Everybody loves the sound of a train in the distance
Everybody thinks it's true
Everybody loves the sound of a train in the distance
Everybody thinks it's true

What is the point of this story
What information pertains
The thought that life could be better
Is woven indelibly
Into our hearts
And our brains

there is a girl in new york city
who calls herself the human trampoline.
and sometimes when i'm falling, flying,
or tumbling in turmoil i say
"oh, so this is what she means."

May twelve angels guard you
While you sleep
Maybe that's a waste of angels i don't know

I'd do anything to keep you safe
From the danger that surrounds us

Little by little
Bit by bit
Little bit by little bit
Now you got it that's it
What're you thinking?
Things'll go sour?
Take its temperature every hour
Nervous when you own it
Nervous when it's gone
What do you think has been going on
For so long?

You are the air
Inside my chest

You're the one
You broke my heart
You made me cry
You're the one
You broke my heart
You made me cry
You're the one

But when i hear it from the other side
It's a completely different song
I'm the one who made you cry
And i'm the one who's wrong
In my dream you spoke to me
And you said

You're the one
You broke my heart
You made me cry
You're the one
You broke my heart
You made me cry
You're the one

nature gives us shapeless shapes,
clouds and waves and flame.
but human expectation
is that love remains the same.
and when it doesn't,
we point our fingers
and blame, blame, blame.

You're the one
You broke my heart
You made me cry
And i'm the one
I broke your heart
I made you cry
And you're the one
You broke my heart
You made me cry
We're the ones

I was twenty-one years when i wrote this song.
I'm twenty-two now but i won't be for long
Time hurries on.

And the leaves that are green turn to brown,
And they wither with the wind,
And they crumble in your hand.

Once my heart was filled with the love of a girl.
I held her close, but she faded in the night
Like a poem i meant to write.

And the leaves that are green turn to brown,
And they wither with the wind,
And they crumble in your hand

Hello, hello, hello, good-bye,
Good-bye, good-bye, good-bye,
That's all there is.
And the leaves that are green turned to brown

The first time i saw her
I couldn't be sure
But the sin of impatience
Said, "she's just what you're looking for"

So i walked right up to her
And with the part or me that talks
I introduced myself as frank
From new york new york

She's so hot
She's so cool
I'm not
I'm just a fool in love with darling lorraine

All my life i've been a wanderer
Not really, i mostly lived near my parents' home
Anyway lorraine and i got married
And the usual marriage stuff
Then one day she says to meFrom out of the blue
Frank, i've had enough
Romance is a heartbreaker
I'm not meant to be a homemaker
And i'm tired of being darling lorraine
What - you don't love me anymore?
What - you're walking out the door?
What - you don't like the way i chew?
Hey let me tell you
You're not the woman that i wed
You say you're depressed but you're not
You just like to stay in bed
I don't need you darling lorraine
Darling lorraine

Lorraine
I long for your love
Financially speakingI guess i'm a washout
Everybody's buy and sell
And sell and buy and
And that's what the whole thing's all about
If it had not been for lorraine
I'd have left here long ago
I should have been a musician
I love the piano

She's so light
She's so free
I'm tight, well, that's me
But i feel so good
With darling lorraine

On christmas morning frank awakes
To find lorraine has made a stack of pancakes
They watch the television, husband and wife
All afternoon "it's a wonderful life"
What - you don't love me anymore?
What - you're walking out the door?
What - you don't like the way i chew?
Hey let me tell you
You're not the woman that i wed
Gimme my robe i'm going back to bed
I'm sick to death of you lorraine
Darling lorraine
Lorraine
Her hands like wood
The doctor was smiling
But the news wasn't good
Darling lorraine
Please don't leave me yet
I know you're in pain
Pain you can't forget
Your breathing is like an echo of our love

Maybe i'll go down to the corner store
And buy us something sweet
Here's an extra blanket honey
To wrap around your feet
All the trees were washed with april rain
And the moon in the meadow
Took darling lorraine

Tonight i'll sing my songs again,
I'll play the game and pretend.

But all my words come back to me in shades of mediocrity
Like emptiness in harmony i need someone to comfort me.

Homeward bound,
I wish i was,
Homeward bound,
Home where my thought's escaping,
Home where my music's playing,
Home where my love lies waiting
Silently for me.
Silently for me.

2004-09-10T12:57:00.000-07:00

I just saw Mike on my way to the computer lab, he had come up from behind me when I was looking at a poster and said hi to somone near me and before he saw me I ran.
Been years since i've seen him and I never wanted to see him again.
it's not hatered like a typical ex, it's fear.
I hung around that boy for two weeks and all he did was physicaly-sexually abuse me and treat me like his bitch, when i pictured a potential future with him(as charlie told me to do) I saw myself dropping out of college and being barefoot and pregant in some trailer house. I ran from him then and I run from him now.

anyway in attempt to be more soical since I've been putting too much pressure on James to be my company I saw both Shawns, Irish and Blonde Shawn. Irish gave me a windows boot disk I am in need of and Shawn gave me a hug.
Shawn also introduced me to a great potential JACS member and I am happy 'cause she loves Munchkins and stays weekends.

well off to home to a hopefully now working computer,

2004-09-09T21:47:00.000-07:00

I have these moments
All steady and strong
I'm feeling so holy and humble
The next thing I know
I'm all worried and weak
And I feel myself
Starting to crumble.

The meanings get lost
And the teachings get tossed
And you don't know what you're
Going to do next.

You wait for the sun
But it never quite comes
Some kind of message comes
Through to you.

Some kind of message comes through.
And it says to you...
(Chorus)
Love when you can
Cry when you have to...
Be who you must
That's a part of the plan

Await your arrival
With simple survival
And one day we'll all understand...
and one day we'll all understand...

I had a woman
Who gave me her soul
But I wasn't ready to
Take it.
Her heart was so fragile
And heavy to hold
And I was afraid I might
Break it.

Your conscience awakes
And you see your mistakes
And you wish someone
Would buy your confessions.

The days miss their mark
And the night gets so dark
And some kind of message
Comes through to you
Some kind of message
Shoots through --
and it says to you
(Chorus)
Love when you can
Cry when you have to...
Be who you must
That's a part of the plan

Await your arrival
With simple survival
And one day we'll all understand...
and one day we'll all understand...

There is no Eden or
Heavenly gates
That you're gonna make it to
One day
But all of the answers you seek
Can be found
In the dreams that you dream
On the way.

-Fogelberg Dan - Part Of The Plan Lyrics

2004-08-24T14:54:00.000-07:00

I created the JACS website, least the start for it. They probably will make me add more to it:
http://stdorgs.uww.edu/jcs/
whatcha guys think of it?

2004-08-22T16:09:00.000-07:00

Well James just left and I was sitting in bed watching TV all sad that he left 'cause I don't get to see him much, he says if I did i'd get sick of him, but I still always get sad when he leaves. Then I smacked myself 'cause I got a new computer and its working and I wasn't on it.

This is what it is:
"CPU:AMD XP2400+ (P4 2.4Ghz Eq)RAM:768MB PC2700 Kingston and Spectek (One slot left to expand)Hard Drive:80GB Western Digital 7200RPM 8MB Cache (With windows Shows 75GB)Optical:52x32x52 Lite-On CDRWVideo:128MB nVIDIA MX440Power Supply:350WattCase: Black Aluminum and SteelCase Fans:3 total 2 Black 1 LEDMotherboard Maker:ASUSOS:Windows XP Pro Build 2600 With SP updates"

It's pretty has lots of room for glowly lights and it's faster then anything i've ever got to play with all for $500 including shipping.
He put a ton of good software and a few games he thought i'd like and downloaded windows blinds for me and it has XP Pro instead of crappy home edition with the instal CDs and such. I might be getting a new montier but not sure about that yet.

The weekend was alright. i made fruit salad and hershy kiss peanut butter cookies for Matt's cook out and set up some fish tanks mom gave me when I went home for the dentist.
Matt was awsomely booksmart, the sort of guy that likes to learn things which is cool.
His friends I didn't love as much, but Tesa a gothish style person that has her hair cut like mine used to be and wants to be what I want to be with art education.

Looking at her I noticed a big trend in art people dating science people, what both Matt and my older sister Alicia's Matt call the perfect ying yang. I really agree. I do love science but I was never good at numbers, least not good at them for as long as I thought I wasn't good at them. So I devlopled and worked on the one thing I was encouraged to do that didn't need numbers for years and years now till i got good at it. Picked up on visual things pretty well, like it's pretty easy to meorize the slides for art history but everything that doesn't have pictures is hard... no wonder I clearly rember all the pictures in my textbooks...

When i was home me and mom made candels and she fed me lots of stuff for free and we hung out and talked. At lunch together I said to her wow treating me so well I almost forgot why I hated home so much, and she replied, maybe it was because I yelled at you so much.
No duh.
I still haven't healed emotionally from the way she yelled at me it's made me timid, but i've been working hard against it and I have plently of friends and stuff now.

The cookout with teh few of us that were there, Matt, James, Ralph, Tesa and her boy, and me all went to a party in Lake Genva filled with druggies and drunks. That part wasnt so fun but the playing of the Soul Cailber and the blowing up of James's old headlight with a firework was lots of fun. I can hold my own with button mashing with Soul Cailber II that's sad that the game lets you do that, we played winner and when I was let in I lasted for a few rounds of everyone it was ammusing. As equally amussing was the mushroom cloud of smoke in the headlight after it was blown to several peices with a firework. We also had a good trip to firefox 'cause Ralph needed food after drinking a whole bottle of $50 chamange.

I miss James already though I havn't seen much of him, only for about a day and a night every 7 days... and this last visit wasn't much "us" time only like 4 hours. He gets to see ralph much more then anyone that isn't working with him. I guess it's not the amount of time I see him is a problem, just the dreams that I have been having worry me more, but they will go away or i'll make them. i used to be able to control my dreams I can do it again if need be.

bah.

Well I am off to play the free games i got on here 'cause I wouldn't be me if I didn't. Then I need to get working more on the JCS website or people wont be happy with the Andrea..

2004-08-12T12:23:00.000-07:00

Excerpt from email to James:

"I really love the james and sometimes I know why but sometimes I really don't and can't place things like logic on it. that feeling sorta scares me at times because in the past I could list logical rational reasons for being with a person, and yes I could list those with James as well, but somtimes it's just "is".

It's odd how just the perfect arangement of events at just the right time in our lives just happend for us to find each other.

Like, if you didn't remeber me from Kit you probably wouldnt of been been paying much attention to me at the DDR party,

and if I didn't rember you from the party and made such a good impression I wouldn't of said Hi to you when I walked past you in the lobby for stamps.

And if I decided that what I had with Laz was to good to risk, I would of not agreed to keep meeting you after class.

And had we not meet at a certain time twice a week for that many hours I would never of built up the proper amount of trust with you to want to be your gf.

Just everything fell into place so perfectly. It almost makes me beileve in predestend events, or perhaps karama forces or maybe past lives. Just I'd want to beileve in something to explain how perfectly everyting fell into place, just as someone would want to turn to something of unexplained nature to explain why Earth has life on it and other planets don't.

I can't be certain of anything these days but I know I wanna be here for you and nothing much is going to change that.

*hugs and licks*-your Andrea"

2004-08-06T22:03:00.000-07:00

I am getting increasing disapointed in my fellow human beings.
This TV thing is a sad reminder of how shallow, stupid and spoiled humans are. On top of this they seem to have no clue about anything, and think all that matters in life is boobs money and beer. not just the males, in fact the females seem to value boobs money and beer even more then the males.

Everyone seems to have endless wants, false drama, false ideas of happiness, ideas based entirely on blind faith, false faces, everyone seems to think not telling somone something isn't being dishonest, are delusional, everyone seems to conform to everyone else's ideas instead of thinking for themselves, the all seem to be generally selfish, everyone seems to enjoy ignorance instead of reasearching things valuable for them to know which is pathethic in this day and age where a person can learn anything they want to know with the internet but instead all they use it for is wanking to porn. There is no humilty anymore, no selflessnes, no common sence, just nothing.

When somone goes to a friend with a problem all the friend does is bitch about how their problem is worse. When somone buys something they want all that happends is they find something else they want to buy in an endless pattern of materialism.

Females are being sucked into inferiorty complexes due to notions of perfect bodys caused by porn, tv, magizines, and the males that embrace these things and well... life. The only clear forms of retailation against this is either females should becaome sexually aware and equally abuse males, or be brain washed into eating distortors, cosmetics, implants, and expensive clothing.

Did i mention that I hated this world recently?

By being sickend by the world around me it does help me t be more aware of my own flaws and hopefully I can help correct them, but going agianst all these soical ills and nateral tendacys of human beings shows very little reward and makes really no differance considering no one else around me gives a damn if I go against it or not. in fact I feel as if the people around me right now would much rather see me conform then be an anticonformist which makes me a bit frustrated.

This world really makes me sick sometimes but there have always been people around to bind me to it. yeah i am as harsh of a judge of those people as I am to myself but I don't find it their fault to be flawed, 'cause it's not their fault. You are who you are due to your upbringings and genetics and current environment including the people you sorround yourself with. Very very little of this can be controled.

i feel something or somone inside of me wanting out,
I've never looked at a mirror and have seen myself.
Never.
I've always had a mild desire to change this to be more honest but my lack of shallowness doesn't allow much of it. But since everyone else is so shallow it might allow others to classify me in their own sterio types better and give them a false steriotypical understanding of me. lol.

Wait. It's very simple why i don't see me, 'cause whatever i look like, it's not me. i am not my face my legs, my nose, my boobs. Those are not me. I am Andrea jean Keyser, born in Wauwatosa Wi, I live in Whitewater Wi and go to the univeristy here. I am 20, 21 late September and have been here 2 years as a major in art education with 87 credits behind me. i am trying to be an art teacher so i can help them in highschool that's when they need the most help with ego and to learn art. I want to do so because it is the most moral thing I can do the best and it will give me a sence of productivity to be an influance in helping other peoples childern become more rounded cultured confidant beings. Maybe just maybe if I can reach just a few of them and make them see this world differently then their friends see it I can change things and make things better on a tiny level.
This is my real purpose and it comes first.
Second of course is to not be lonely.
Those two haven't fully been finshed so I haven't taken on any others but i look forward to the day when i am an art teacher and married and have friends to take on life as a strong confidant caring loving clear-thinking compsionate helpful person.

2004-08-04T11:38:00.000-07:00

I've never been so thankful to have a quarter in my pocket in my entire life.

Anyway, sitting in History of Modern Architecture today i came up with a few ideas i'd like to post.
Even though no one seems to like to share their ideas about my posted thoughts at least I get a typed recordiong of them just in case I find somone willing to respond to them,
(people don't post in summer anyway)

first, a quote found in my articture book by Ernest Kris 1952:
"We have long come to realize that art is not produced in an empty space, that no artist is independent of predecessors and models, and that he no less than scientist and the philosopher is part of a specific tradition and works in a structured area of problems."

and my ramble:

My first highschool (real) art teacher told us saying: I am not imaginative = i can't think.
i beileve that to be true. Humans imagine it's what we do, we dream we create illusions and delusions... This
Modern architecture class reminds me that creativity commonly has the false definition of something new.
Creativity is more so combining old ideas and concepts in create something new.
Even Drawing without looking at something your drawing from a memory of something pre-existing in some form, or muiltiple things, memorys combining.

Even the most abstract art is all made up of pre existing forms; cirles, squares, lines, bits of colors that have already been made and apear elsewhere, whatever.

Nothing currently in existance can really be fully new.
Some would say we take what god created and just play with it,
Some would say everything evolved from something that was around before.
Whichever your choice is to make your reality with, my point stands.

Not even an idea can be created in a void. you draw from previous knowledge, previous Philosophers, history classes, everything and everyone around you.

Thus, the only way to make something "new" is to come up with a new combination of pre-existing ideas and things.
With knowing what has come before you can see what parts were sucessful and unsucessful to create a "good" "new" thing or idea.

The examples of this lie in Art, Architure and childern

Art constantly uses this for it's advantage not only with the philosophy behind the artwork, but the way the art is created. For example there was the Rocco period in France where the rich flaunted their wealth and it was represented by picture of pretty girls on swings with pretty pastel colors and gold framed pictures. The following art movement happend before the french revolution and showed down to earth pictures of the common people with earth toned colors.

A better example of this rebelling of what came before is The short breif period of Mannerism following traditional Renaissance art. Mannerism went agaisnt all rules of the proportion of the human body, made picture compositional awkard with the already odd looking human litteraly bent to fit in the picture frame. They intentionally used bad color sceames and no balance to their compositions such as before with Lenardo's triangular compositions. They also totally screwed prespective. It was as if all knowledge gained was lost until the following art movement where they went back to what was more sucessful, but it was never exactly the same as before.

The next example i listed was architecture, for example a common and commonly known movement was greek revival architecture where you have collums and marble in the 1800's. But this didn't just happen then, even the Romans did Greek revival stuff. And don't get me started on all those modern mateial buildings adding on pillars and making sky scrappers with a base, shaft and capital for there is no other form to look back on shaped like that other then a collumn instead of imbracing the new material and doing something more new with it.

An example everyone can understand of this creativity point I am trying to make is with Childern.
The same things right now are in fashion as when our parents were our age. Higher shoes and baggyer pants. They are not exactly the same as before though, which is my point why it's "new" the shoes you see people wearing aren't the same platform ones and the baggy pants aren't exactly bell-bottoms.

So everything creative in existance is just looking around us and looking at the past. For anyone that says they aren't creative, can now see creativity for what it really is, understand it, and apply it to their own style. mash things up with something else and make something new.
We all can be "creative".

2004-08-03T13:52:00.000-07:00

why am I so sad crying in bed for no reason, :(
I was even all soical yesterday it can't be lonelyness, andrea so confused,
make it stop.. I can't even logically find a reason to be sad this time, save hormones 'cause they should be bugging me about this time, these 3 days inbetween I hate the most...
gah at being female.

2004-07-30T20:43:00.000-07:00

I was thinking, my father always told me logic is the poorest tool in dealing with people and constantly told me to stop trying to do it 'cause most people don't run off of logic using it to explain people or predict them just doesn't work.

So I got thinking about the flaws of logic.

Logic is a conclusion derived from facts.

I suppose no fact can ever be a soiled fact so perhaps information gathered is a better way to put it.

But wait, everyone's perception of the world and their soroundings is different so everyone would have to gather the same data, and how is it possiable for the average person to even comprehend information gathered on most topics...

It's proven you can have two strangers not involved in the incident in any way to witness a crime or traffic aciddent in totally different ways.

Everyone says emotion isn't logic.

Emotion is:
An intense mental state that arises subjectively rather than through conscious effort and is often accompanied by physiological changes.

The part of the consciousness that involves feeling; sensibility

Well, if logic comes from what information that is in front of us, in theory wouldn't emotion count as a part of the information in front of us?

The orignal start trek movie Spock was going to go back to vulcan to purdge himself of emotions he has learned, until they ran across a probe earth sent that living machines equiped the probe with the technology to make the probe furfill it's programming to send back all information in existance back to earth.

The probe wished to combine with it's creator and Spock explained if it did so it could learn things beyond the entire universe which it has already explored. If it did so it could comperhend other demensions and other things dreamed up by our imginations and guesses.

The point brought up in the end was: Without the human capacity to imagine beyond the facts in front of us, we can't learn any new facts.

This reminds me of Albert Einstein:

"The most beautiful thing we can experience in life is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science." Albert Einstein

"Imagination is more important then knowledge. Knowledge is limited. Imagination encircles the world." Albert Einstein

Well this just adds to my point a person needs a proper balance of input to make a proper choice, not only what apears with information in front of you but with feelings and that gut feeling...

2004-07-29T23:35:00.000-07:00

Topic: Love

In a logical debate of what love is with Ralph I determined love is:
-emotional bonage that can't be broken easily that is formed by furfilling different needs.
-Because they are emotional bonds they can carry past the psyhical
-there are varying amounts of emotional bonage for the thing/person/animal obivously you can be bonded to a car but since a car can't bond back it's not nearly as strong.
-romantic love can cause close bonds and furfills many needs

They also claim people actaully tend scientifically more stupid when they look at their lover.

Personally, when i look at James I actaully feel more stupid and find it damn hard to get depressed when he's around. He furfills a ton of my wants, I suppose I can call some of them needs. I kinda feel like i've had some sotra wonderful spell cast on me since a few months after we meet the thirdish time. I find myself loving anything I think he'd love which isn't anything I've ever felt in years and definately not to this level. I've always loved cool colors but whenever it's time to pick something's color instead of dark purple, dark blue or black I want emerald green. If i think he'd like it I'd do it to a point of course. DDR, adult swim, baking him things, drawing him things, Which is kinda scary but I still also like doing those things so it's not giving up who i am.

2004-07-29T23:06:00.000-07:00

Ralph- I said used YOU gah. read.
Paul- people do care just hard to realize that sometimes
James- giving up on things is rarely a good soultion to problems

2004-07-21T01:51:00.000-07:00

I'd like to take a poll of anyone reading this thinks of this situation:

Lately it takes an awful lot to offend me, and out of all the songs James loves there is just one that I really decided to hate. Normally I write offensive songs off as meh or in fact most things i write off as meh. In fact when i first heard D12's new cd I was like this is really cool and everyone knows I alway have had Eminiem on my play list. Why because the songs of his I find to be outright masterful with flowing rhyming lyrics. My favorites of his songs are the ones where he defends himself and content wise are really awsome. I've always beileved the only intelligent thing to do is be aware of the lyrics in songs you like. If they sing about shit you don't agree with you shouldn't by all rights love the song. When I heard Eminiem's voice singing about beating this whore for not getting him money because she says she has her period, and James singing along to this as if he saw Eminim as his hero as he is chanting with him... it made me want to vomit.
If the prositute did something to deserve being treated poorly, yeah I could go with that. But the fact she is a women and aparntly has done nothing wrong other then selling her body as we all do for flipping burgers or whatever, dosen't deserve to be treated any less then any other human being deserves to be treated. In fact I think he calls the prositute Kim, which in another song he's called his wife.

These were the exact lyrics:
Pimp Like Me
by D12
Album : Devil's Night

G-shit

What up?
I gotta tell you motherfuckers the truth
This is straight G-shit
And all you can do is respect it

[Swifty]
Well I'm a state my name
Swift McVeigh
None of y'all niggas got shit to say
Rhymes keep coming off like a toupee
Plus I'm big headed running things my way
A selfish man
The back of the hand
We slapping the hell outta hoes because I can
Prostitute
I want my loot
And I don't give a fuck about your broke ass man and
Y'all giving niggas what they need and
Till bitches understand the meaning
Swift McVeigh is blowing up
Courvoisier till I'm throwing up
Wanna player hate me bitch so what?
What's your function?
Where's your bucks?
All you wanna do is wanna stick 'em up
You wanna rob me but I got too much
D12 naturally lifted
You niggas better duck when I cock the biscuit
You fuck with me
I fuck with you
Your entourage, nigga, fuck them too
I got grenades
What the hell you little 22 gon' do?
(Y'all ain't gon' shoot)
Your majors' soft
Cops get mad cuz I paid 'em off (what)
Made 'em cough (ya)
Blood and shit (ha)
That's what the hell y'all motherfuckers get
We runs this bitch
So, hey, you ain't gotta be scared to fuck (f'real)
If he want head then prepare to suck (do it)
Even if the nigga don't care to nutt
For every stroke it's a hundred bucks
Respect the game
You just a slut
So open your legs up and get my dough (bitch)

[Chorus: Eminem (Dina Rae)]
You just a (hoe)
You just my (hoe)
Dirty ass (hoe)
I'm your pimp
You my bitch
You just a (hoe)
You just my (hoe)
Dirty ass (hoe)
I'm your pimp
You my bitch
You just a (hoe)
You just my (hoe)
Dirty ass (hoe)
I'm your pimp
You my bitch
Got get my (dough)
Go bring me my (dough)
Dirty ass (hoe)
I'm your pimp (I work for you baby)
You my bitch

[Proof]
I do spit game
No longer than my name
There where my chain hang
My nuts do the same
Don't pay pussy
Pussy pay me
Bitch, slut, hoe, my lady
And knowing the fact I was born to mac
That's why I got a hoe in the back
Blowing my sack
Got good game
It's a hood thang
Got a huge brain
Loot of pootang
But I'm all bank
Run that cheese
Tell that trick nigga (come back please)
I'm a L-7 that's a square
You my bottom hoe
You gotta know
Off to a plan to make a lot of dough
So suck fast bitch and swallow slow
Bitch quit talking back
Now walk the track

[Kon Artis]
I don't pay for ass
You pump my gas
You get slapped for a short of cash
I get whip lashed when I hit the gas
And holler out the window with a hash
Where's my scratch?
Bitch, that's it
Suck it, stroke it, make me rich
Cuz a token of my appreciation it's
Another client for you to hit
I don't give a fuck if you gotta go home to the kids
You shoulda picked another occupation trick
You stuck with me
Fuck with me and I'm a smack you up in this truck
You must have lost your mind or something
Crying and whining like you dying and suffering
Go suck some head for an extra buck(or something)
You know what
You made nothing
I'm just another case of a lazy husband

[Kuniva]
I want the paper stacked
Buy you an outfit it
Then take it back
When you page me bitch I never page you back
You only act a certain way that I make you act
Hoes recognize and niggas do too
Cuz they realize that niggas who shoot
Don't like a chick that act too cute
Bitch hold my gat down when I shoot hoops
And don't be asking me all kind of questions
All harrassing me calling stressin
Or I may have to release some aggression
And beat you to death and
Teach you a lesson
Looking for handouts
Like you my damn spouse
Pull your pants down
And fuck my mans now
Shut your damn mouth
Or get in the damn house
Open the damn blouse
And suck on my damn crouch

[Chorus: Eminem (Dina Rae)]
You just a (hoe)
You just my (hoe)
Dirty ass (hoe)
I'm your pimp
You my bitch
You just a (hoe)
You just my (hoe)
Dirty ass (hoe)
I'm your pimp
You my bitch
You just a (hoe)
You just my (hoe)
Dirty ass (hoe)
I'm your pimp
You my bitch
Bring me my (dough)
Got get me my (dough)
Dirty ass (hoe)
I'm your pimp (I work for you baby)
You my bitch

[Bizarre]
Love the pussy
Sell that pussy bitch
Get out there and switch and go make Bizarre rich
You gotta itch
You fucking dirty bitch
Now get on the corner and start sucking some dick
Niggas want pussy
And I need cash
So mom get out there and start selling your dirty ass
Bizarre quick to hit 'em
Then stick 'em
Fuck it I'll let you hear one of my victims
(Somebody help, I'm on Seven Mile and Muriel)
Shut up bitch you talk too much
And about to get fucked in your dirty butt
Never seen a pimp like me out here whoring
Shut your fucking mouth and you'll be out by the morning
Cuz I'm the dirtiest pimp you ever heard of
Give me my 5000 and take this cheeseburger (bitch)
Go suck dick at a bachelor party
So what if you on your period(I want my fucking money)
Blood never hurt nobody

[Chorus: Eminem (Dina Rae)]
You just a (hoe)
You just my (hoe)
Dirty ass (hoe)
I'm your pimp
You my bitch
You just a (hoe)
You just my (hoe)
Dirty ass (hoe)
I'm your pimp
You my bitch
You just a (hoe)
You just my (hoe)
Dirty ass (hoe)
I'm your pimp
You my bitch
Give me my (dough)
Go bring me my (dough)
Dirty ass (hoe)
I'm your pimp (cuz I work for you baby)
You my bitch

That's all you is
You just a dirty ass bitch
Dirty ass, nasty ass, skanky ass, filthy ass, stanky ass bitch
But I love you
Kim

[Outro: Kuniva as Rondell Beene]
And there you have it goddammit
The fundamentals of pimping
You heard it here first
From the dirtiest dozen you've ever seen in your goddamn life
Well this is Rondell Beene on the scene
And we keep the pussy hole smiling
Because we always wilding
You know what I'm saying?
Fuck what everybody else be talking 'bout
We letting you know right here
That pimping it ain't dead
We love getting head
In dirty ass bed
That's just what we do
You know we were throwing hip heroin parties back in 1968
The pussy is all great
I see you at eight, bitch!

2004-07-16T12:24:00.000-07:00

Andrea sick again think it was another case of food posining not sure. Food is too much trouble to eat I wanna give up eating...
I updated the site I made of James pictures
It always amuses me when he gets into the trunk of his car to change shoes and I finally have pictures of it :)

2004-07-15T00:42:00.000-07:00

(sorry this is so long you don't have to read it if you don't want to so no whinning about length)

It's been ages since I updated, mainly 'cause no one else has been updating or online for that matter.

And i've been unaddicted to my computer lately. And those of you who know the Andrea know how amazing that is. I've been fully addicted to the computer since Duke Nukem 2 was brand new and the internet since about 1998.

Been taking painting the past few weeks. It's harder then I thought to take but not nearly as hard as other mediums. I hope I won't end up with another B I really want an A in this art studio.
Been listening to the one MP3 CD I have in painting constantly, James asked me what song is like his song he posted but for me once a long time ago, of the songs on the CD Id pick this one:

Desire by "Toad The Wet Sprocket"

i want to be clean, i want to be whole
i want revenge, i want control
i want to give up, i want to give in
destroy all i have been
i want to be cruel, i want to be cold
i want a chance to sell my soul
i want to break out, i want to dive in
to lose myself in sin
i don't need anything
i'm just wanting
just wanting
desire all desire is
desire feeds desire
desire all desire is
desire breeds desire
i want to scream, i want to shout
i want to have faith and never doubt
i want to bend, i want to break
to sleep and never wake
to break down walls and to escape
be alone and hide my face
i want to feel, i want to touch
want to stop wanting it so much
i don't need anything
i'm just wanting
just wanting
desire all desire is
desire feeds desire
desire all desire is
desire breeds desire

hrm importantish things since last post...

Went to summerfest with Ralph and James to see Lewis Black, was fun mostly 'cause I got drunk. Was my first drop of alcohol since new years Ralph drank too but nothing to get him even tipsy and of course James didn't have any he's a good boy like that.

I love it when boys don't conform like that and stand up for who they are no matter what anyone says. I've noticed females don't do this really. I think it's because they are more pressured by soicety, espically peers, to look and act a certain way.

We also had lots of fireworksing.
The 3rd was rained out, the 4th was cool James really seemed in his element and i've declared if he was an object he'd be a green firework, all sparkley green and dark, like his bowling ball.

The 5th was my fireworks in Tosa where I get to see lots of people I never ever get to see it made James depressed to see all these friends I've had for years doing something we do every year thinking he can never have that again with his friends in the exact same way. His pessimism that he told me all about after the fireworks of course, really got to me 'cause he is clinging to his past all too much in saying he's never going to ever have fun with any new friends and everything that ever matters is in the past. Yes I understand that's not really what he means and he was just being depressive and silly, and I know how much james loves, truely loves his friends...
just *sigh*

I saw Justin Kellner there a boy I haven't seen in about 3 years that was very exciting for me he was a very close friend of mine for a year and a half and we picked up just where we left off and I felt just as close to him as I used to be. The hours and hours we spend chatting wheil Phil was off doing theatre work and me him Phil and Paige hanging out going to every dance and event together helped make highschool bareable. His mom never liked us much 'cause she had a bad past with theatre techies and they moved away when she got married and Justin never was able to be on the internet ever so we lost contact.

Highschool was such an awful time for me it's hard for me to understand somone like James who clings to it so much.
When people tell me how lucky I am for my parents to help me out with money never know what it's like to be physically kicked out the front door of your house for no other reason then your parents bad temper or to leave a suicide note saying the only people the give a damn about you are your bf and your sister and saying screw you to all the classmates that teased you and your parents who have a daily habit of yelling at you how worthless you are.

I asked James what he had to be so depressed about in highschool, he told me it all started when he thought the world was going to end come 2000. Gah. And aparently AJ "was the only good thing in his life" he sure didn't take time to notice other things he had good in his life. His loving mother and father, a mom that he knows gives a damn about him that loves him more then anything or anyone... and what about his friends at the time.. Aaron was even around then. Were those not good enough? sorry that was way out of line,
just the reasons for being depressed are obviously hormonal, no different then those 3 days before my period I get on edge.

Hormones suck.

anything else important...
um,
Ren Faire which was semi dissapointing 'cause it's getting far to shallow. Saw a million people there. Hung out mostly with paul and Jess and that was good. As Paul mentioned in his blog I really wasn't with it and I wanted to hang out and see everyone but couldn't. Nearly every shop has something to sell for the faire only. Food, drink, shoulder critters, $300 boots, dresses, chainmaile, flowers, hair flowers w/ ribbons, places to do your hair, cloak shops, pretty swords, and gift shops. Good marketing, very little practicalness.

James attempted to say I wasn't a gammer 'cause I didn't play counsil games. I don't play cousil games 'cause people tend to be such poor sports and they are a lot more expensive then computer games as well as generally much more simple. So I proceded to kick his ass at Smash brothers and then muliple times at Soul Cailber II which I never played before ever. Never try to tell a former 3 year Ultima Online addict she isn't a gammer lol.

Speaking of games James lent Andrea Konamix and she got a DDR pad that can be hooked up to computer in theory if my sound card worked i'd test that out. But I do have Scott's brother's old PS1 and it works well enough on that. After about two weeks i can pass songs just fine now. I am a decent 4 steper and have gotten a few B's on 5 Steps but they are really hard. The only 5 step i can constiantly get a B on is Drop the Bomb. B4U is the best song on the mix so I've been playing that a lot. My record for it is 182 max combo with 170 perfects 16 greats 1 good and 1 miss 0 almosts. I was so proud i took a movie clip of it. Not bad for a person that has won the title of "worst DDR player of JCS" two years running.

I get to see james Sat night, I love him soo much. Andrea can't wait.

2004-06-15T06:19:00.000-07:00

Beth called the realtionship with Ralph 'terminal' for very unlogical reasons and Ralph wanted a Chicago trip but told me he had plans with Beth and when she canceld he was suprized me and James didn't call him. I really don't have much time for a trip, though I wouldn't be nearly as against the idea as James would be.

I Had a perfectly wonderful time when James came to visit, any minor issues that came up before had all been resolved. I think the only real reason they came up was 'cause of the time apart we had.
It wasn't just what we did when he came but it was more just because we were together it was good. I felt really close to him and I like being that close to another person I really don't fear it ending badly like all the others, even if it would it won't be for a long long time.
I half remeber saying asleep James asked me what I wanted and I answerd that I wanted him, hehe looks like my sub-c likes him too now.

He finally met Liz and things went as expected, we accidently met Troy in the parking lot of Best Buy in Janesville, some random other stuff.
Scultpure class ended and my stuff is locked in the room, it's proving hard to retrive...
Painted class started and I already am not happy with the teacher his paintings are realisitically painted things OUTLINED. He also told us he's going to be working in the painting studio after hours and to leave him alone and not bug him during that time. That doesn't make much sence to me if you compair that to my other professors that always want to be bugged and chatted with and are there to help you at any time they can. Maybe that just shows how great our art department is and it's really an unreal expectation.

My Drawing II teacher was a million times better at drawing then this guy is at painting but then again he was older and has lots more XP so that makes sence.

4th of July weekend is looking very busy for me. It looks like my older sister will be in Tosa from the 1rst to the 5th.

The 3rd it looks like i'll be at the Big Bang I have no idea if I'll be going with family(sisters), tosa friends, or whitewater friends but I will be there and we should all try to sit near each other.

On the 4th I got the Minors party thingy which James said he'd steal me for, I wonder when he's going to go on that fireworks run with Ralph...

On the 5th I am going to have the old Hart Park fireworks in Tosa, on as close to the 50 yard line as they let us be. Uber meaningful for me I get to see lots of people that I haven't in ages i look forward to their hugs and them meeting James and telling me where their lives are/going. Jamie, and Derek, John Castor, Phil, Tim, Britt, Becky just everyone and their friends.

Much to do much to look forward to and people to love, three grand essinatial to happyiness they say.

Ohhhh this Picture of the day is speical, it's what James bought for me on Sat. and it's very sybolic considering my last dragy went to my last bf and hasn't come back:

2004-06-11T03:33:00.000-07:00

Beth has been refusing to return Ralph's phone calls:

railsideuww: plus i'm a horrible boyfriend
GlassRoseDragon: your a good bf you take her out places and it seems your kinky in bed what more could she ever want?
railsideuww: i dont know, why wouldnt she want me?
GlassRoseDragon: hell, you worship her
GlassRoseDragon: that's the most important thing
GlassRoseDragon: females just love attention like you give Beth,
GlassRoseDragon: I don't see why she wouldn;t want you
GlassRoseDragon: just might feel that way when she gets depressed, I have a friend Tim that dates a lot of depressed females,
GlassRoseDragon: he's had the same problem 'cause he thinks he isn't good enough 'cause they aren't happy but he never realizes that it's not his fault they aren't happy and they love him very much
railsideuww: i really hope thats the case w/ beth because if its not i dont know what i can do
railsideuww: i sincerly cant imagine myself with anyone other then her
GlassRoseDragon: yes it's very speical that you guys foudn each other isn't it

railsideuww: i wish we could move back in togeather so i could rub her feet when she got home from work and cook her dinner and cuddle with her and have sex with her and wake up next to her and everything else
railsideuww: i think living with beth was probally the happiest of my life
railsideuww: yeah those were good times: you know if i knew she would say yes ide ask her to marry me
railsideuww: thats how strongly i feel towards her

railsideuww: wish i had sleeping pills that didnt come in hollow point form
GlassRoseDragon: hollow point form?
railsideuww: bullets
railsideuww: those sleeping pills work quite will: if you take one your out like a light....problem is its kinda impossible to wake up from them
GlassRoseDragon: oh. um
GlassRoseDragon: no
GlassRoseDragon: no killing ralph
railsideuww: fine...for now

GlassRoseDragon: but yeah could it be just a depressive cut everyone off thing?
GlassRoseDragon: and not so much a just cut ralph off thing?

railsideuww: oh, i'm still scared to death as what tomorrow will brigh
GlassRoseDragon: it's ok ralph,
railsideuww: what if its not?
GlassRoseDragon: we never know what tommorw brings,
GlassRoseDragon: worry does no good
railsideuww: actually i know exactly what tomorrow will bring: i will be fucked: the problem is i dont know if its in the good way or the bad one

The Andrea. Status: very concerned

I don't have many friends, the few i get and like are very dear and important to me, I am here for you ralph.

2004-06-06T04:03:00.000-07:00

Hi haven't been posting much 'cause people haven't been online since school ended really. I think it's 'cause they all went home to their parent's ancient 56k lines.
James took Andrea to the US Cellarish place in town so she can have a phone. Everyone should ask me or James for the number Andrea may or may not pick up yet it's kinda scarey to me still.
I got a $30 mail in rebate on the phone and a 2 year $40 a month 1000 min plan free incomming calls and other cool things.
Phone looks like this:

It tells me the date and the time and makes James worry less so it's all good.
James came out to visit me and I drew him wheil he was sleeping:

That's something a camera can't do is see things like James sleeping like I see him sleeping.
:)
Had a good memorial day cookout at Liz's where she got me to eat non bird meat: a brat. Nearly the way my parents used to make them, it was comforting somehow. After food I slayed Shawn and Scott at Risk 'cause for once I wasn't stubborn at what countries to go after and logically/stratigically moved my peices. We didn't even get to turn in cards for 12 armys yet lol.

Kit tells me Jon from D&D is Alive and back in Whitewater.
I thought i'd never see him again so I considerd him dead, now I really want to hang out with him and Kit just to see that he is alive and how much he's changed if any in a year and a half.

Got to see ralph for a bit, that was good I was missing him and am sympathethic to his current summer lonelyness.

I got Liz some chocolate and a mini pink rose bush for her birthday/first day of being 26, she got a good 6 DVDs from random people but 2 from Bobby were really stupid ones.

That's about it. I miss James but I see him tuesday after my college level shop class. Yay :)

2004-05-29T09:18:00.000-07:00

Yay James visited me finally. His car was still being fixed so he got Ralph to take him here and I got Scott to take him back this morning. I got to make him pancakes. Now I got much cleaning and homework to be done before tuesday, but James comes back thursday and stays longer. Scott and Liz are keeping me sane till then.

Found new picture host, thus new picture of the day:

2004-05-26T23:28:00.000-07:00

Pichold's server seems to be down. How annoying.
Well I had the most awsome time I ever remeber having without a single sexual thing going on. No bf, no fliriting, no worried Laz yelling at me how I left him all alone and having to justify hanging out with my friends.
Early morning was full of making the molds for casting we moved tons of mixed sand, dumped it, put it in buckets and packed it into the boxes with the two projects assigned yesterday and due today. An entire load of sand took about 25 min to make and only filled 4-5 boxes(out of 40). We were working on it all day and then come 12:00 he gave us a slide show presentation of just random stuff and I started to fall asleep during the more boring parts 'cause I woke up at 7:30, after going to bed at 2:00 and had manual labor till then.
I think he made it shorter due to a visiting artist that was there. Some hot shot artist that went to whitewater in the 80s. Acted very gay, and moved far as far away from WI as soon as he could. Strange how we always tend to go back home.
It was a bit comforting to see a graduate from whitewater's art department could in fact "make it" in the art world, though that's far from my intended goal.
It was obivous that this man did "make it" though, pretty rich and well, happy. He had this I am going to be who I am even if you don't like it, and I will be happy doing so about him.
Yet not in a mean way.
Very admireable. It reminds me of a living example of happyiness in a Richard Tayor's way.

He's making money from what he truely loves to do in life and I bet it didn't come easy for him to reach that goal. If it was I don't think he would of been nearly so happy to of obtained it.

I got cable today, they came a full hour and 10 min after they said they would. They claimed it was an extra half hour to find what room I am in. They were perfectly friendly people though and got it all hooked up quick and explained things well enough.
i wasn't botherd by their lateness but it ment only a 10 min shower before Scott came over so we could draw up characters more.
It's a very easy world to understand, just of super heros basicly. You could role play as anything from spiderman to goku, but they don't call it those of course.
I drew up a strange character that has a combination of skills that give me a good background. I heal really easy and it's nearly impossiable to kill me 'cause I get a big uber bounus to my save vs. death sort of thing.
Feels good to get back into table role playing, even better that Scott's the GM so we don't have to worry much about rules. And only 1 rule book. 1! lol.
It's a simple rule system if you understnad any toher system and lots of dice rolling which is fun.
(Again, espicaly since scott is rolling for the bad guys rofl.)

So we headed down to sentry so Andrea could get bowling money before Liz and her bf Todd showed up. I bought him ornage juice to make up for him covering me for pizza.

Liz came and I met Todd and then we cnovinced Grant and Nick to join bowling. It's a wednesday night so it's only $1 per game per person so we got two lanes. Nick found a pure green house ball and I saw it and was of course imdeately reminded of James but strangely in a good happy way instead of a sad he's not here sort of way like i'd normally get.
It was a pretty ball and I romantatised about stealing it for James, James's ball is much more pretty but I think he'd apreciate just having it' But of course I wouldn't ever have that sort of guts for that kinda thing espically when they are only charging us a $1 a game lol.
We probably did more damages to the lanes then that.
:)
Nick and Grant aren't so good bowlers either so it made me feel right at home tough I threw the two worst games of my life lol.
It didn't matter to me and I kept trying to bowl better, and I learned a bit more on how to bowl so that was enough for me to be happy.
After that we played pool in the bowling ally bar Nick and Grant vs me and Liz. Techically they lost but I decarled it a tie. 'cause they did so much better then we did.
After that we watched a funny old movie back at the boy's place and Nick ran off to his friends to play ps2 'cause he's addicted and all. It was hard enough to get him off the computer.
We coulnd;t finsh it though Laz fell asleep and it was alraedy 1:00.
I have class tommrow and have to clean my apartment more. Apartments are so much more work then the dorms but it's only a 15 min walk to the CA, from Sayles it was 10.
And nearly all my classes are in the CA next year.

Well time for bed.

2004-05-25T22:28:00.000-07:00

Monday I got to see the girls new apartment it was nice but empty. Chatted with Sara and we went to walmart to get fish and she saw my place and liked it. I got a goldfish that is scared of light, a froggie and a new betta.
Then Scott stopped by and he gave me a promotional manga with a hodgepodge story line from different mangas, it was sweet for him to think to give it to me, kinda like he was thinking about me and how I wasn't there and didn't go and stuff.

Found out from him that Cheryl joined up with an rpg group to avoid me when I was her roomate which really hurts. Not only did she never really talk to me when we were roomates and tell me what was wrong so i could fix things she hid playing D&D without me and because of her i couldn't play it with scott and his friends and had to go a whole year without table rpgs.
This saddends me greatly. I really loved her and all that backstabbing and not talking to me hurts.
It's why I was so ok with her moving in with Sara I knew she would be happyier there.
*sigh* I wonder if she is even my friend.

I woke up at 6:30 to shower and get to class by 7:30, which i did.
Found out lecture doesn't start till 8:30 so I spent that time getting the materials needed for that day and talking to the teacher about the sylabus. Since I missed the first day 'cause I thought painting was starting grr. Oh well everything is made up now.

He assinged 2 projects and explained lots of things. We are doing some castings and both projects are to be ready to cast by tommrow morning lecture time. I stayed and worked till 4 making casting boxes, carving, filing, shaping, sketching. When I got home I was to tired to make food and passed out on my bed to be awaken about an hour and a half later by knocking at my door. It was Scott and Liz.

I never met Liz and we hung out together for the rest of the night eating pizza, walking, watching Noir, visiting Scott's roomates, meeting cats, gosiping, trying to figure each other out, drawing up characters for Scott's rpg.

She is cool I like her and I think she'd make a good friend. She dropped out of school and is working as a waitress at Novaks she is turning 26 but doesn't look it, but acts it. She has a bf that is 35ish and has a little boy, and she has 4 cats and is roomates with Bobby, a very insane friend of Slutty's. her and this Bobby do not get along at all and I am reminded of sorta like how Ralph and Slutty were after they broke up.

She has a very abrasive personality-- that's the only way I can think of to describe it. Very bold very set in her ways, loud, full of engery and quick to fight. I don't mind it much due to my personilty becoming much like scott's where there really is nothing for somone like her to clash with. But I can see how she wouldn't get along so easy with other people but i like her and hope she can be a friend 'cause I don't have many of those right now.

Least none I can see regulary. I do miss all of them that aren't living here.

But they want to go bowling tommrow night at 8:30ish everyone is meeting at my place 'cause well I live at the bowling ally.
The alley is only open wenesdays and fridays this summer so this is my second night living with it, I hope it's not that noticeable. I am told it isn't. I don't know whos all going to be there but all are welcome. I hope to get Nick and Chrissy and Sara. 'cause that would be fun.
My goal is half of scott's score as always.

I want a munchin night soon. I also want to see my old friends on the 4th. And I want friday 'cause I need my James.

Picture of the day:

This is of my apartment its a studio effeicancey just big enough for all my crap. The dorms weren't and this is a less costy upgrade. I hung up lots of my art and my realtive's artwork. I raelized I have no paintings of mine but one old one, my first big water color. They were all painted for others or given and stuff.
I have my own bathroom, fridge, oven/stove, sink, shower hole, door, closet, bed desk, few tables tons of chairs. Heat and water are coverd with rent that is cheaper then the dorms. Free interent that runs at the same speed as the dorms. Which sorta sucks, but about twice as fast as dial up.

2004-05-22T15:41:00.000-07:00

Hello. Andrea all moved in to apartment and mostly unpacked. Mom Phil and James helped me move here.
Went to sentry and walmart and ran up a big bill and mom gave me lots of things for apartment.
I am considering a cell phone and getting cable. Not sure if i'll be keeping cable, but at least for the summer I think. And the cell phone plan would have to be cheap enough. I asked a few whitewaterians about the phone bills and they know it's about 40-50 a month, most of which just for an active line.
I figure, after much convincing of the James, that it could be cheaper and it would be cool to ingore the calls of the people I don't want to talk to, as well as hear msgs from them and such.
The cable really expensive but with no one around here it's going to help a bit. And James really loves tv.
hrm. I really like my apartment so far. Had James over put in a pizza and all the lightning last night and I lit candels and it was just all so nice. :)
Tested out the shower hole today and it wasn't so bad at all.
Ralph said there is a chance he might stop by and see the DDR pad we found in the trash, maybe he can tell me if it works or not. It was sprayed with lots of lysol last night and sand removed.
We wanted it to dry before testing it of course.

Picture of the Day:

2004-05-20T00:43:00.001-07:00

James is comming to visit, got an A in art history, Phil, Britt and Pat are all going to help me move into my new apartment, Andrea tummy is nice and full and content with fruit,
soo if things are going so well something really bad is going to happen, isn't it?
oh great.
Just you watch karma you won't cetch me too much off guard, can't lull me into a false state of secrity so easy, erm again!
ha

*checks to see if all grades are out to just to make sure*
hrm gpa went up .06 I guess that;s a good thing. All grades were expected, woulda done better in world of the arts had I missed two less classes... *hisses at attendace policey a bit*
oh wait if I were a professor, i'd probably have a simluar one I raelly shouldn't dis it should I lol. Just in case I end up being one someday though, actually I rather not.

I'd really rather prefer highschool so i can get them at the right age, all the college level art majors alraedy made up their minds they want art a part of their lives and think they are able to draw, really what's the point then?

hrm a pretty title. lol. a pretty expensive title.

2004-05-19T14:17:00.000-07:00

Yay I got an A in art history, been camping the grade spawn "D2L" constantly in hopes the grades would be posted there before friday when our semester grades come out and Yay.
I only got a half a point off on the final take home exam test and a perfect score on my project and presentation.
just, Yay.
hrm not much happend today, had lunch with Ralph read to him from my quote book I made. 87 quotes so far. 12 on religion, 14 on life path/happiness, 11 humer ones, 11 on politics, 5 on exsitance, 7 on love and 27 others. Most of the ones on existance are really old quotes from me, very few people like to talk about existance much, unless the ending of it, they never seem to talk about what it is really.
Been playing Disciples II and doing a painting tonight, not sure if it's going to be water color or arcylic.
I want school to start up soon. not to long for me though just monday and my Painting class starts, goes till 6-11, and then on the 14th of June I got Sculpture until the 23rd of July followed by nothing till the 2nd of September.
Nothing is NOT good for andreas. It makes her depressed and lonely which eventually turns into a sort of stir crazyness that I think is what drove my mother insane.
So if people have any ideas of what I can do for a full month.. let me know..

Bored

Wishful

Artistic

2004-05-16T20:08:00.000-07:00

I stole Tim's picture host due to it actually being a picture host. Damn angelfire.
Thankyou Tim, even though your probably not reading this.

It was helpful in making my blogger profile

Let's see, Ralph and Kat helped me move out of Sayles to White,
Ralph drove me back to see James,
I rather like Ralph but I think I am starting to like him less 'cause he gets all these ideas in my head about how I should be thinking with things, and he apeals to the logic part of me rather easy.
I rather not like being controled like that, it's a whole new feeling, I used to be way to strong to let something like that happen.

Just been really fragile and timid and non confrontational lately is all, due to the big trama of x-mas...

Was real nice seeing and talking to Kat again and the move went well.

hrm. Then we went to a coffee shop where Kelli had her work up in. Got sorta depressed there from James ingoreing me as well as ideas planted in my head by Ralph. These faded later after we left the coffee shop for Kelli's party and I got to meet an Andy, and saw more of Mike and Kelli and this other Kat as well as a few other crazy fun people. Saw Jerod at work briefly and then Jason at the coffee shop, neither of which seemed to care one way or another of my existance.

This other Kat is going to Whitewater next year and she'd want friends pretty bad here since the very few people that are here are so conservative(not as if she can't be friends with conservatives, just they might not be very aproving of her lifestyle,) and all so i think i'll try to hang out with her when she is here if I can find anything to actually do with her.

James's car got an owie and it's been bandaged.

I saw James Thursday as well, we stopped in Janesville for dinner at Perkins and before that the mall there and he got all frustrated at missing an arrow on A and I tried to logically tell him that it shouldn't matter so much, in trying to make him feel better, 'cause that's what I'd want to hear, but it just made him all the more frustrated, and yeah big spills of emotion and after that I realize I just have to let him be frustrated, do as a friend of mine does when her friends get frustrated over it and just leave for a few min and come back sort of thing.

I geuss I just don't understand it much, when i am trying to combo a song on step mania I keep going at it till it happends 'cause I know it will. And getting frustrated with it only impairs me from my goal, so I storta just choose not to let it get to me and eventually even after hours i'll get my goal and beat "my personal best" and such,

my new computer is being mailed wenesday yay,

just took some surveys, top two on my survey page

emotions:

Frustrated

Exhausted

Bored

2004-05-11T19:15:00.000-07:00

They changed blogger format,
*panics a bit at change*
*calms down in rembering that change really isn't bad all the time*

Ok well i've been uber busy with exams but they are going really well.
Got to see James after a few days without seeing him, the other night he got in a depressive mode, and it continued about an hour into seeing him today. I felt very helpless after realizing I really couldn't make him better. But after an hour and a half he started laughing again and after that it didn't take long for him to get back to the James I know. I am not sure if the James I know is the normal James but I am rather fond of the James I seem to know and it made me feel better to see him get better. I can sorta understand Ralph's quote saying how when he first met me and James together James looked happy and that was sorta scarey.

Very sad James looks way too cute. Which is really bad for me to think, but it's way to true to deny. he gets this look about his face like, i am sad help me and it's like aww I'll do anything.

It has been proving difficult to find people to help me move from Sayles to next door White. Not hard at all to find people to move me from White to my apartment though, which is good. Kat says she can help me and I am paying her with lunch. Ralph said he could help for cash, and I think i'll take him up on it.
I don't have all that much to move, biggest thing is my montier 'cause Dad is comming tommorow to take away the mini fridge and help take down the loft.
I figure me James and finger hurt Cheryl would need the help, and he's working Sat. when i'd need help to move.
The main problem being is that all my JSC friends can't help due to an anime convention.
oh well.

In other news I really love my new apartment 'cause it's cheap and not very slum like. Maybe it will be a different story when i move in the 21rst but atm I love it.
I get my own bathroom and a wider bed with my own kitchen even my own door. It's going to be great. :)

Picture of the day:

(random happy picture)

"But you could live off a carrot for a week," -James
"mmm carrot" -Andrea

2004-05-08T17:27:00.000-07:00

wow

Yahoo New artical on Bush, deaths and torture

Picture of the day:

2004-05-07T00:14:00.001-07:00

Just had the JACS end of year party where I said goodbye to Adam I am really going to miss him a lot the whole him running our meetings and doing most of our work for us bit, but mostly becuase he's been a good friend of mine the past two years. I know he'll come back and see us still he wants to run our DDR tourny next year but who knows what state he'll be in even. All my friends always want to be in different states when they graduate from places it sorta sucks.
There was much smash brothers and DDR playing at party.
James drove me all over the place to get stuff to make my art history project. We have to make something the way the greek and romans made it years ago in a pathetic attempt to make sure the knowledge of how to make art of the past is not lost. I am making a fresco.
We saw Ralph briefly at Sentry I havne't seen much of him or anyone really but JACS people and James 'cause it's exam time and all. I hope get to see my Tosa friends this summer a bit and see James's people soon i miss both groups terriabley much.
Paul, I sent the scanner with James the instal CD is inside it in and evolope for lack of something to put it in.
My new computer is comming mondayish Yay! I finally get to get rid of this damn cheap ass emachines my dad made me buy two years ago YAY,.

Picture of the Day:

Exhausted

2004-05-04T23:59:00.000-07:00

Well, I got all jealous of the cool emotions LiveJournal has with cute little hamsters and kittens so well I went to free gif sites and made a hodpodge set of my own emotions I may or may not actually use:

Emotions

Things are going well very busy week. Next week soo much more busy.

I miss everyone.

Picture of the day:

aww look at the froggie :)

2004-05-01T20:19:00.000-07:00

I wish everyone a happy Beltane**, and Kit a happy birthday :)

Ok well that same friendship braclet that broke that I lost when Laz told me he hated me and got lost, that was found in the middle of my floor in a question mark the day Laz was toiling over if he should block me,
was again found stuck to the bottom of James's shoe.

This was really rather hard for it to find the bottom of James's shoe considering it was under the DDR pads and not under my bed like his shoes were. Not only that but it manged to stay stuck to his shoe from a walk around campus, then at pizza hut and then back here.
My theorie is that it wanted to creep James out.
We are thinking about giving this bracelt to Kit to burn or something so it stops haunting us.

Anyway yesterday i tagged along to James and Kit working on a project, a webpage for thier class. I helped by making blue background clouds and James figured out how to do this cool thing with the links that made you really want to click on them.
I drew Kit and James sitting around on their laptops with a tangeld mess of cords around them. I also drew one of Kit's pet dragons and we all had Culver's afterwards.
Then James and I went back to Sayles and played DDR, I can pass 1-3 step songs with D's atm. That was my general score, which is a great improvement. I think my max combo of the night was 28.
My Step Mainia however is improving at a rapidly fast rate and I can generally pass 6 steps with Ds, pass 5 steps with A's B's and C's, and i've gotten AA's on 4, 3 ands 2's.

After the DDRing we watched my FF Spirits Within DVD and he liked it.

That morning my little big sister Britt called saying she finshed her math placement testing for Green Bay with Pat and wanted food. Mom gave her money so we all went to Pizza Hut, where james was abnormally very quiet. I now know how he feels when i get all quiet around his friends sometimes and keeps asking if i am ok. But this wasn't shyness it was tummy problems and not getting much sleep. Even food attacks James, maybe if he ate more healthy things food wouldn't upset his tummy so much. He seems like the food that are only in the most unhealthy form possiable.

I miss chatting with Laz a bit but really rather bitter and angry at him for not wanting to talk to me ever again. He was never very bright anyway. *sigh*

Brittany updated me about what's going on back home with people and I hope to be more updated when i go home the 4thish, she says Alicia is going to be there for it. It would be a great chance for james to meet Matt but there is Aarons party, I respect that, though it saddens me a lot I can't spend the 4th with James, new years and the 4th have always been sorta lovers holidays to me. New years more so though. 4th is more for family, my extended friends. Yet everyone is sitting around with their lovers cuddeld up, last year I was very much alone watching everyone else be with somone, the first one ever alone.
News years is far to important to me to not be where my lover is though, I used to think if your not with them then, what's the point, too symbolic of a holiday, used to also think it's sorta a curse if your not with them and don't get that first kiss of the new year, that it won't last to the next but I am silly like that.

Wow, sorry for that rant.
*ends rant*

**Beltane
"This is a day that marks the fertility of nature. It was one of the most important holidays of the ancient Pagan religions. It was a day of celebration and love making for all of natures creatures. The most enduring custom of this day is the wrapping of the May pole. It is still practiced in many of todays societies."

Not that I celerbrate it or hold any pagen beilfs, but my friends used to hold a party for it where we all sat around a fire and chatted and burned homework we did poorly on to start a new, or other such things as in the tradition of Beltain celerbration of spring, life, new life, a new start.

Picture of the day:

Triple Goddess
Brigid-Boann-Cerridwen

from: http://www.paintingdreams.co.uk/

2004-04-29T22:54:00.000-07:00

I can't take this!
At least I was willing to be his friend after I wanted my life back, the bastard.
Yes I left him for James I am a bitch I suck I am evil,
but why does Laz have to hate me so much as to block me he said Itsumo, Itsumo, know instantly that word means "always" in japanse he used to say that word when he said he loved me.
now he won't even let me in his life at all this is so bad,
he went from being my world to absoulty nothing, I sorta hate him for it but then why am I crying so much?
He didn't even let me say goodbye to him!~

2004-04-29T19:20:00.000-07:00

Ok well I am pretty sure he blocked me. Found the bracelet upside on the ground broken in a question mark facing right at me not even upside down or anything or anything over it just right smack dab in the middle of my floor.
*stares at it*
I am afraid to touch it.
Life is confusing me lately, as in this week. Not sure what to think of things any more 'cause the things i've been longing for the most have been found and hate me at the same time...
I'll figure things out...

2004-04-28T11:29:00.000-07:00

I told James a wheil ago that flowers depress me somtimes 'cause it's something all pretty that dies, so he gave me a plastic rose for our one month.
Kinda cute.
I attacked and was attacked by my drawing today 'cause our professor made us draw outside in this wind.
Just got back from lunch with James, he's spoiling me by getting me off dinning hall foods. Good to get real food though.

With everything I do for James I still find myself wishing I could do more for him and make every bit of his life good and going well so he never has any reason to question himself or anything and just be happy, as impossiable as that is I guess I still want it lots.

Picture of the day:

(not the actual rose, can't find batteries)

2004-04-27T17:10:00.000-07:00

How ironic, the day I am positively sure there isn't a chance of being friend with him realisticaly speaking in this lifetime,
the friendship bracelet falls off and gets lost in what i beileve to of been the shower.
It hasn't left me wrist in oh since I put it on 6ish months ago, *sigh*
I guess I really shouldn't be so sad atm but I am.

2004-04-27T07:37:00.000-07:00

wow I just had the most wonderful converstation with Laura last night/this morning i really think I am starting to understand her if not at the very least see where she is comming from, which must be rare for her.
Even learned she breeds angel fish, they are so cute when they are tiny.
*must find picture of them for today's picture*

And happy offical one month James, :)
Love you. Lots.
:)

ok this is as close as I can find though not babys at all:
Picture of the Day:

2004-04-25T03:12:00.000-07:00

Andrea just finshed a ton of survays and instead of posting them here she posted them on her website:

My Taken Surveys

Warning really long!^

2004-04-24T23:34:00.000-07:00

More Quotes collected by Andrea recently

Out of Context Quotes:

James: "This time it was ok for me to be afraid of the black man 'cause he was in the bathroom having a converstation with himself"

Jesse: "We have to make it bigger for the women"

James (to andrea): "You got all naked at Perkins"

Random Quotes:

Phil(commenting on DDR): Heh heh, I can just picture you trying to move your feet like that.
Phil: Sorry, thats just really...hah ha.
Oh man, YAy for them getting you to play that.

Professor Chris Henige: "All the art Jack Miller likes is of Athletes"

Casey(to andrea): im not sure if i should say thank you or "yes ma'am"

2004-04-24T16:59:00.000-07:00

I had such a busy soical day yesterday when I woke up today it felt like Sunday. Then I paniced rembering everything that's due on Tusday that I haven't even started.
Like my monolog and my World of Ideas paper.
gah and my art history project that I don't have a clue where to find the materials for. But I have time for that at least.

Friday I spent with James we picked up Ralph and saw Jersy Girl, it was ok, was the type of movie my litle sister would of liked a lot more then me but it was a Kevin Smith movie so we had to go see it. I think it was his attempt to make up for all the anti religion in Dogma or something.
Then we went to the arcade and I saw Tim for a few min met his current girl, I shouldn't say gf, 'cause well it's Tim.

Oh well I see him more at the gathering on the 4th of july where everyone I ever cared deeply for meets on the football feild for fireworks and foam sword fighting. Both my sisters and my unoffical sister and everyone will be there.
Justin won't be there this year, though i guess. Or James if the minors hold arron's party on the 3rd...
*sigh*

Anyway at the Arcade I got to meet Jason. Tim's friends clung to him quite a bit so I see what James ment by cute but stupid. Very entertaining watching him and Ralph interact though I rather got a bit worried about him raping James from time to time.

We went to webbs afterwards and then I had Life of Brian in James's car in case we would have time to watch it at Ralph's later 'cause James and Ralph haven't seen it yet. But aperently this was a movie that Jason loves, though i found it strange he wasn't offended by it, and so he took us to his house to watch it and he slept.

Picture of the Day:

*misses ultima with silly things like polar bears ridding sea monsters*

2004-04-22T23:31:00.000-07:00

Had a long day of classes after like, two hours of sleep starting at 8:00 am.
Played Step Mania all too much and then saw James for dinner.
I get to see him friday too yay. Might be around the arcade that night if anyone is going to be around, Tim said he might be been ages since i've seen him. I get to try out my hopefully new found arrow hitting skills with me feet, which is good I hear Scott has been practicing as well.

Played munchkins 9:00-12 uber long fun game, I nearly won but the game isn't about winning, it's about getting the badass bandana and the bow with pretty ribbons. Both of which I got and used. :) Just like with crack is/was with stealing the blue people from Kit.

Well I suppose the game is also about screwing your friends(scott, jesse, heather, and cheryl) over from winning and I totally killed jesse twice and convinced heather to let him die anr aditional time. :)

so many papers due tuseday, just watch me try to do them all monday night...
why do i do that to myself,
oh wait 'cause I get away with it and still do well,
ah well.

Picture of the day:

^ Munchkins Card

2004-04-21T23:10:00.000-07:00

Yay Andrea won PR of JCS soon to be JACS- Japanese Anime/Culture Society by a vote of 13-1. Position effective imedately though I havne't gained control of website yet. Soon it will be mine muahaha, erm I mean yay :)

I've had this really content feeling since dinner after I saw James, so today's picture is happy kitten:

Picture of the Day:

2004-04-20T17:50:00.000-07:00

hrm. First off AJ I am sorry, I didn't mean I wasn't happy to see you I think your cool and all and I love plays, just I'd rather not post everything here or in your journal explaining everything, but I will get your email from James and explain further.

hrm in other news just got Meaning of Life on DVD and been spending entirely too much time around Ralph.
But me and him did find an awsome gift for James though, too bad he won't wear it in public, he says maybe for bowling lol.

Downloaded Step Mania and been playing it too much, I get addicted to things easy so generally avoid addicting things, but I figured Step Mania was harmless enough, it might help me with DDR, well can't hurt it anyway lol I am already JCS's worst DDR player two years running dispite Scott's trying to take that title from me.

Unfortnately when i get addicted to computer games I find less time to produce art, but that's just the way things go.

Picture of the Day:

From Monty Python's Meaning of Life^

2004-04-18T15:02:00.000-07:00

Day of nothingness.
Drew Casey as an aime character 'cause he told me that's what I should be doing.

Picture of the day:

Perhaps i'll draw more like these, for once it's me not drawing exactly what I see.
It's about 7" by 8" and its pencil on canvas paper in case I want to paint it ever.

2004-04-17T22:21:00.000-07:00

Was a nice day out, woke up at 7 am for PPST, the questions were really easy but I am not sure if I passed or not I am not to worried aobut it 'cause I really am not in a big hurry to get into the college of ed and really wouldn't mind taking it over, but I really don't like spending the money to retake it.

Got backtook my PPST study thing back to the libaray and Chrissy was working so chatted with her for a bit about stuff. She tells me she would preffer secratary to treasuerer so i think i'll vote that way 'cause Matt would be a very good treasuerer, not that Chrissy wouldn't be of course.

Cheryl is going for secratary as well but I think Chrissy wants it more.

After taking study thing back I stopepd at the bookstore to get ripped off buying a much needed kneaded eraser. Any art store it would of been 40, 50 cents but bookstore was a $1.10. Gah. I soo need a real art store trip sometime soonish.

I was starting to get very bored so of course I started drawing James. 'cause I was missing him but I took comfort in knowing he would be missing me just as much wherever he was or whatever he was doing. So it wasn't bad at all.

Then I was not feeling to well sitting around inside when it was so nice outside so went for a walk with Scott 'cause he was around and willing. Talks lots with him about new things but mostly old things i already heard or talked about with him and i again took comfort, this time in knowing I have an old friend.

Well, here's the Picture of the Day:

It's done in oil pastels and is about 9" by 12"

2004-04-16T21:17:00.000-07:00

Krov told me never to talk to Laz again, this caused me to panic and send Laz an email, *sigh*
Got to see James today and get to try to get into the College of Ed tommrow from 7:30-12:00

Picture of the day:

It's titled "Newbie PK"
I took the screenshot it's of my old friend Alex in Delucia on Zuluhotel - my first ultima online shard, about like, 2 years ago.

2004-04-15T22:55:00.000-07:00

Ok just got back from game night after an uber busy day without a break.
Played Crack with Scott, Heather, Jesse, and even Cheryl decided to join us which is rare so it made things so much better.
Before I left for that I was on aim for a bit and found out my little big sister Brittany got into college yay! All the others rejected her but she got into the one her bf is going to Green Bay so i am very happy for her. She was waitlisted for it after mom sent in extra letters of recogmendation and telling them of why she missed so many classes(illness of course)
But yes she is going to a 4 year school and not a 2 year prep one and will be able to stick closer to her bf might even get to live in the dorms and stuff.

;)

Picture of the day:

2004-04-14T23:02:00.000-07:00

Sooo sleepy. Ok in one week I get control of the JCS website which is awsome. We had nominations today, and I am up for PR and only Scott and Heather are running agianist me and walking home after the meeting they said they would be ok with giving me the website if they won.
so yeah,
:)
hrm got a really busy thursday tommrow and not in a good way, but friday will make up for that, and monday and wednesday, yay.
I really can't wait I miss James.

Picture of the day:

2004-04-13T11:02:00.000-07:00

Happy late unoffical one month James lol.
Ok yes it's not something to celebrate really but I couldn't wait till our one month to post this:
http://www.angelfire.com/wi3/jameslover/

And I know James isn't to happy with Laura and Jon atm but hey I love them and this is still going to be my picture of the day:

2004-04-12T10:43:00.000-07:00

When will I ever learn NOT to put off a project till 2:00 am espicaly when I have a test and a one page paper at 2:15 pm that day?

Today's picture was after the wedding at bowling, I was unaware I could ever smile so big but James tells me I do that, I think it must be 'cause of him.

Picture of the Day:

2004-04-11T16:49:00.000-07:00

So yesterday was the wedding got to meet all of James's family I am really glad I wen things would of really sucked for him if I wasn't there. Was in the same room as Aaron's funeral, he would of been there at least 7 hours, and there wasn't an alone person there that wasn't a child.
His family is really friendly and nice and pretty, so unlike my family.
It's strange dating somone without a sister, mine have always had a sister, I suppose Kelli is kinda like James's sister, but its not quite the same.

We went bowling after the wedding, well I didn't bowl, 'cause I really didn't feel like bowling 'cause before i thought we were just going to stop by and we didn't. James got a 154 which somehow frustrated him 'cause his high is 155 I can't understand why he just can't be happy he bowled well and he has to be frustrated over such a thing, he does this a lot with many things so i guess that's just the way he is.

I got kinda upset over the way Jerod was saying goodbye all nice to everyone and came to me and was like Don't ever do that again sort of thing to me taking pictures of everyone in a very threatening way and just left. I just generally havn't liked him much at all he treats people like shit and keeps trying to beat up James. The problem is that I can't tell when he's joking or not and that's not just me 'cause Paul was saying some of the time he can't either. He called after that and left a msg on James's cell phone and when i heard it he really sounded like he cared that I shouldn't hate him so i think i'll give him another chance.
I think the whole thing is just a miscommunication problem of sorts and I hear he's been going threw big problems with females so I won't hold anything against him yet unless it gets important and get along with him.

Hes the only one of James's friends that I have any sort of conflict with as of yet so it's all good. Not even Ralph.

Picture of the day:

(I am not explaing this, it was at bowling) :)

2004-04-09T18:43:00.000-07:00

Had an awsome day Thursday after classes got to see Laura and Jon randomly, confusing that they didn't agree on a plan of action before driving all the way out here, but ah well.

James took me to Madison to see Aj's play and meet Kelli Minor (Been ages since I've seen AJ used to hang out with her and Kit, however i don't think I was to happy to see her for certain reasons) Both were great and Madison is such a pretty liberal city. I never considerd going to school there from my dad's extermly low opinon of their undergraduate programs of which he spent 2 years there in and graduated from.

But every time I am there and it isn't often I sorta feel like it's where I belong in or near. I guess it's because its where my parents met or something, I am not sure.
Thinking about picking up an art history minor it would be 2 extra classes and it might be better then taking random Philosophy classes that would only count twords increasing my GPA. One art history class I need 420 for art ed doesn't count twords the minor but hey I might end up being more use to a big highschool that is in need of an art teacher that can teach art history as well and a minor would give me that edge in getting that job.

Kinda strange though. My mother majored in art ed and failed and then got a 2 year degree in commerical art, where my father's first degree was in History.
Strangeness. I always felt I wasn't anythinhg like my parents which is true, I am not like either of them, I am a mix of two exterme opposite poles.

Anyway I raelly really look forward to tommorow 'cause I get to see James. The wearing of the dress bit doesn't sit to well with me but the chance of seeing people at bowling even if we only get to stop by makes that all better.
:)

A more clear outline is in James Journal of the night's events so i won't bother repeating them.
I got hashbrowns and pancakes and today i had Rockys so very nice to get away from the dinning halls but actual food is spoiling me lol.

Last night I caught a glimpse of something in James eyes that I got used to seeing years ago but haven't seen since... a look of needing love. i saw it in Phil's eyes never since and I didn't realize till i saw it in James' eyes that I hadn't seen it since didn't think it was a repeatable thing, the way somone looks at you sort of thing. The word needing doesn't beggin to describe it though... wasn't needing like a cookie, this need seemed more like oxygen.

I updated the comments and reposted some old ones.
I stole james's comment thing instead of using CommentThis!
Not sure if I like it but at least it's html friendly! :)

Damn conformity fashion fads makes people put holes in their bodys, walk with painful shoes, stab themselves with needles, put gunk on their face, and shit like this;
Picture of the day:

"The eye jewel, made of platinum and available in the shape of a heart, a star or circle, is implanted in the mucous membrane of the eye and is not visible unless the eye is turned. The procedure costs 500 euros."
REUTERS/Michael Kooren

2004-04-08T13:45:00.000-07:00

Even if the weather might not agree with me on this comment it truely is Spring :)

2004-04-08T00:18:00.001-07:00

Alright so ended up having a wenesday night dinner NOT at the DU. This hasn't happend in about a year maybe more not counting nights that JCS wasn't held. I had dinner at Dragon Garden with James and Ralph and it was good. Missed talking with my other friends hearing their updates but that was just fine 'cause I had veggie soup and James' pretty eyes :)
JCS was well JCS as always.
And I get to see a play tommrow. Yay. :)

Well ever wonder why Andrea lets very few people see behind her door?
Wonder no more with today's Picture of the Day:

2004-04-06T22:52:00.000-07:00

Saw Requiem for a Dream free at Roseman with James and Ralph. Was very interesting yet disturbing. I can see how it's the movie that makes Ralph feel better now. Erin and Sean were there seeing it too they came a few min late and scared me 'cause they had me thinking they weren't going to be there and stuff.
In other news:
Phil: No, I'm building a trebuchet
me: what size of one?
Phil: 13' tall, counter weight of 100 lbs
Phil: muh ha ha ha
me: I was afriad of that answer
me: why I asked what size before i said cool

i've realized I tend to bring out the traits in me others around me have in common. I don't fully conform and do things i don't like doing or say things others don't like hearing, but I am a bit unforfortable with this conformity atm 'cause I can't seem to pick what to shift to.

I haven't been around my highschool friends much so I am fast losing my old love of Renaissance and since I broke up with Laz i've lost my game addiction, unsure if to pick up another game and found lots of time now for art. Never have before it's always been pushed to the side lines of my life and I wonder if it's a good thing to bring it to the front or not...

This picture of the day isn't so current but I love how it shows how bastardly politicans can be:
Picture of the day:

By Daryl Cagle
http://cagle.slate.msn.com/

2004-04-05T23:41:00.000-07:00

Lots of awsome things planned for this week and i get to see James lots. Makes Andrea very happy.
:)
BIG art history test tommrow at 2:15 I am not at all ready for.
My laundry needs doing and phone calls still need to be made and I keep putting them off.
ah well.

The Picture of the day is that of a self portrait we had to do in Drawing I with intense lighting. It's bee damaged since Drawing I the left side of the face was darker and most of it was drawn by looking into the back of a CD due to lack of finding a proper mirror:

2004-04-05T01:19:00.000-07:00

Damn it's after 3 and still wide awake. I thought for sure studying for Tuesday's art hitstroy class would put me right to sleep but didn't. This is so going to screw me over Monday...
*sigh*
Took a picture of Friday's art class's work. We were drawing a model like half of a department store one I always enjoy drawing and a skeleton that I really don't enjoy drawing but do anyway.
So well I put one on top of the other and got a great example of meaningful art by pure accident. :)
I love it and am thinking of doing a mini portfielo of drawings like this one on high quality paper. Perhaps some paintings too.

I title it "model" as Picture of the Day:

2004-04-04T05:57:00.000-07:00

Chicago Art muesum - picture of the day:

2004-04-04T04:09:00.000-07:00

Can't sleep Chicago will eat me.

I keep having dreamish type things about my trip Saturday and my feet are tired as hell and won't shut up about that fact now that I am semi-awake.

Erin picked me up with her friend Andy at around 9:35. Erin was my roomate over part of the summer that I was already semi-friends with. I see her around campus from time to time and we chat. A lot happend in the 3 weeks we were roomates, hiking, walks, a power outage. Erin is by far the most awsome female i've met in Whitewater- no offensive to the rest of you if your reading this. She is extermly liberal yet open minded the most wonderful person to debate politics with. She is rather artsy and Philosphical yet sometimes a bit skatter brained. *rembers the time Erin locked her keys in the car*

Her friend Andy is the tyical Whitewaterian in every manner but is a liberal. Everything from his old navey shirt to being a business major to going out drinking on thursday nights.

We headed off to the out skirts of Whitewater to pick up Shawn, a 25 year old what Erin effecationately called a bum. He doesn't look nearly 25 and wore mostly all black silky clothes with a ton of black hair w/ suble red highlights and a black leather coat. And sketchers boots. He worked 13 hours the night before at this hotel checking people in and when we picked him up and had only gotten two hours of sleep by the time we got to his house so Erin went in and woke him up. Erm well didn't wake him up persay more so got him in the car.

After the getting of the Shawn we drove to the train station in Harvard. Never been on a train before. I sat next to Erin, sleepy Shawn slept, and Andy played with his pda/camera toy. I updated Erin on my life and she updated me on hers; she is heading off to madison next year starting this summer. She belongs there very much so she'll be happy there but i'll miss her.

We took the train to downtown Chicago, the rumbling under my feet and clattering noises were new to me but that was no longer true before the trip was over.

We got there and the train let off at this huge mall that was at least 4 times the size of Mayfair. I looked up and wowed at the buildings. As much as I laugh at my farm country friends for being from small towns, I feel like a very tiny girl that came from another world when i am in Chicago.

We realized how many Chicago blocks away we were from the art museum so we took a cab. Again something Andrea never has done. It was $4.50 away.
The driver was crazy he shifted over 3 lanes only to end up back in the lane he was in all in a matter of a min or two. Chicago driving scares me lots of honking and trying to run over pedesterians and no respect whatsoever for all the known laws of polietness and safely.
We saw two hummers a black and a white one. Spotless and ready for street battle.

The musem was great but I was highly critical of the painting and drawings. a ton of picasos and some monets. I visited the same muesum as a child but couldn't remeber much of what I saw. I sped around dishing out negative jealous comments about the peices I saw. I know I could paint what they painted but there is no way I could ever paint as many paintings for the reason of the cost of paints alone, and just getting fame in the art world is nearly impossiable task to perform in your own lifetime. I know a few artists that are content with just covering material costs.
This soicety we live in is indifferent of art. i must admit I have troubles personally with setting it's value high for being such a practical person.
But I make art to learn to get better and I am.
I find other reasons to make art now and again but I lack justifying it's purpose other then art is all around us everything we see was designed and colors chosen.
The world would sure look a lot better if everyone had a basic background in art.
However i've never cared much for my environment. Give me a good boy and a good computer and something furfilling to do to force me out of the house reguarly anywhere in the world and i'd be perfectly happy.
I think art and teaching art is the most furfilling thing I could do with my life and be any good at. So that is my purpose.

Sorry for that rant but yeah I breezed threw most of the art being unhappy with most of it. A few paintings and greek and roman stuff was fun to get to see in person. The anicent asian ceramics were amazing. All of them. From the impressive scutpures to the thrown earthware pots that look so porcilin like.

We had lunch at The Coner Bakery and I had an expensive turkey, tomatoe, letus sandwhich with alvacodoe or peices of gaucamole I don't remeber which. It was on toast and came with chips and a pickle and a I got a frozen lemonade to go with it. Was all very tasty and i tried to eat all of it since it cost me like $8.40. I was able to eat it.

We went back and saw more art and Andy was taking tons of pictures to see how many he could take. With 3 sticks of 128 megs I don't think he could take more then he had room for. He took tons of that Indian elphant statues of Gemesh. Erin loved the Georga o Kefeif exhibt and Shawn liked the blue musican by picasso.

Then after the second trip there we sat and listened to some street musicans. There were these very impressive saxaphone players, violin players, and most impressively bucket drum players. Some little boys very thin and poor looking making sounds out of a bucket that i've heard no drum ever make.
And it sounded great filling the chicago streets with rythem.

We did some window shopping and I saw this beger with a sign and her daugher saying please help us. Erin didn't see them but she saw some pretty shoes in the window across them. At first I was discusted how she could go on about shoes when there are beggers everywhere, but I was reminded that that's how things are in this world. Materialistic and we see the shoes in the window but not the beggar on the street. it's what we choose to see.
But Chicago is like that not that it doesn't happen in WI, but it has more people thus more of them. A big clash of the buiness people that have tons of money and the poor that beg for that. Extereme diversity.

We stopped at star bucks and I got a vinilla latte and the others got caffinated as well. This second bit of coffee seemed to wake Shawn up a bit.
He had acidently crushed his glasses and didn't have his contacts so was constantly squinting and straying far from us. He only has like -3 to his eyes so I don't see why he had to do that. mine was like that in middle school and I went without it corrected mostly. My eyes changed to fast to keep up with my rapidly decreasing vison, thus my glasses never helped much. he could se us clearly I could tell though. I guess it would be scarey being in Chicago without being able to see a block ahead of you.

We took this riketly train to a shopping district Erin remberd from last time she was in Chicago and we visted many music stores and clothing places. They had lots of speicalty things you would never to expect to find in conservative WI. Muilti colored pants and shoes of every imaginable style. and Yes James green pants, but far to expensive as things like to be in Chicago.
Always more expesive always colder and more windy.

We took the trainy thingy and then a taxi and then the train station where they got food. then the train to Harvard and Erin drove us all home. Aparently I had met Shawn before and I hadn't really remberd him, but when he metioned where I made the connection. I must be much better at rembering new events then new people.
I met him over the summer with his friend Keith when they were over with Erin for a bit. I had shown them Ultima and his friend Keith is now addicted to it.
But do i rember what he looked like or Keith? nope. not at all.
But when he was like am i going to go another 4 months without seeing you I was like what? See James it's not just you failing to make an impression on me it's just me and new people.
:)
I gave him my aim but I don't know if i'll be hanging out with him really. Don't think that would be good for me.
Got back at 11:30 chatted with Laz told him about Chicago and we got in another fight and I was like please can we not fight and then he spat bitter comments back at me and i was like Laz, please and he was like fine and then i felt dizzy and went to lie down and woke up early morning and i go back to sleep now.

$25 given to art, food and transperation of chicago.

and yeah don't forget to set your clocks ahead everyone...
*hugs*

2004-04-02T20:42:00.000-08:00

Got bored out of my mind so did a sketch of the picture of me and james at the arcade:
Picture of the day:

2004-04-01T23:04:00.000-08:00

Just got back from a game of Munchins with Heather, Scott and Jesse. Cheryl stopped in to chat before we were done and we all sat around the basement and went on about classes, highschool, JCS, future plans, and siblings. It was ammusing and it was a really long game. We all got to 9 points but Heather was at 1 so i kept helping her out till she was and she finally won.
Don't have much going on tommrow, trip to Sentry and art class. I should be terriabley and deathly bored by 3 in the afternoon.
ah well, like dad always says he'd rather take boredom over drama.

2004-04-01T14:57:00.000-08:00

"Shake off all the fears of servile prejudices, under which weak minds
are serviley crouched. Fix reason firmly in her seat, and call on her
tribunal for every fact, every opinion. Question with boldness even the
existence of a God, because, if there be one, he must more approve of
the homage of reason than that of blind faith."
-- Thomas Jefferson

2004-03-31T23:22:00.003-08:00

Happy April 1rst Everyone :)

further proof of the stupidty of the average human

Two classes canceled today. lazy professors getting spring fever I think. :)
what to do now till my 2:15 class. Hrm. Work on homework not due yet? Head down to Sentry for stuff i don't need yet? Go back to sleep till lunch? Piddel around with some online webmastering stuff? make those phone calls I need to make? hrmmmm
or be entirely unproductive and procrastinate causing lots of stress later by playing Disciples 2?
hrmmm. Disciples it is. :)

(yes this happend to me) Picture of the day:

2004-03-31T22:20:00.000-08:00

JCS and the DU were awsome last night :)
I got to see James before hand from after class untill dinner. He's sick with something kinda strange and i am worried about him but he will get over I am sure. He was yeah I got a cold on top of whatever this is...
The world seems like to attack James: allgergrys colds random things like straws and couches.
the past two JCS trips were not depressing 'cause one of them I knew James was likely to come to a meeting and the one after he did with Paul, but the ones before that were really depressing 'cause I kept thinking of Laz and how much he would love to be there, he loves anime tons. It was always painful and being around a damn good percentage of my good friends and still being sad... wasn't cool.
not that I am any stranger to being depressed.
Seeing James before hand helped so much too he really really makes me feel so loved.
:)
He's always so uber concerned with pleasing me and seeing me happy it's such a strange feeling. I know Laz cared about me but I never saw it him being in Oregon and all... and Jesse outright abused me emotionally and neglected me lots for close to a year. But I let him do so.
He just didn't love me, just used me.

This what I have with James isn't like that at all, i am so glad I know boys so well to of been able to see by the look in his eyes at that DDR tourny to say yeah i like you too :)

ohh they had karoke at the DU and Adam sang a pretty song never thought he could sing. Heather Prime gave a speach on Ninja flower aranging and the animes were great :)

2004-03-31T08:03:00.000-08:00

My drawing II class was cancelled, i really really hate waking up after breakfest but before lunch without having a class or something really important to do. Makes me feel like I woke up for nothing and could be in bed sleeping.
Is that snow?
It's one of those days again isn't it.
Least I see James today I look forward to seeing him and having the rest of the world fade away...
just for a bit.

picture of the day:

2004-03-30T19:31:00.000-08:00

Yay Erin, my roomate for a few weeks last summer invited me to go to Chicago this Sat with her to go to art muesum.
That and the play I get to go to next week I feel I am living what I prech :)
Soicalness costs money.
I not like spending money but it's far worse to be lonely me thinks.

2004-03-30T02:11:00.000-08:00

Random James Quotes:

"What's that thing you said to do when your leg gets numb? -James, "Move it?" -Andrea "ohhhh." -James

"I'm not jealous of the people from your past, I'm jealous of the people from your present"

"there is no worse way to miss someone than to be right there next to them and know you can't be with them"

Jon: Be sure you ask him later about his DDR Fanstasy
James: It's not my DDR Fanstasy it's your DDR Fastasy
Jon: oh but you liked the idea
James: She's not going to go for it *shakes head* She's not going to.
Jon: Hey man just doing you a favor

"When you got cold I felt you shaking and had to get you a blanket. I
felt a lot better once you stopped shivering even though I was freezing
myself."

2004-03-30T00:24:00.000-08:00

Well Hello There.
I've declared I am on Phase 4 of my life and needed to get my forth screen name and forth blog.
So ha I did.
I had troubles picking the name was thinking many things,
my last name GlassRoseDragon described me so well at the time... strong and stubrn- Dragon and GlassRose- fragile ready to break.
Well I broke.
Stronger for it I bet but broke regardless, i can't fight any more.
I am still me though i think just on another phase.
Forth bf too, James love him lots :)
First one 29 months, second a year, third a few months.
Had a lot of heart breaks was hard to trust him but he has me now.

I picked the name AngelAthena 'cause well, GoddessAthena was taken, but I've liked to be called Angel anyway though only person to ever regualry call me that is one 15 year old boy down south lol.
But perhaps it can be taken as the Angel of Athena, goddess of the arts, wisdom, skill, justic and practical things. I love Philospohy and one day i will be wise, I have plently of emotion too so I think the Angel part adds that. Angels aren't practical they can't be explained threw logic or even prove to exist.

Regardess, bare with me with my endless rants please, I welcome you to Phase 4 of the Andrea, AngelAthena :)